anghraine: picture of yoda; text: star wars, this is; your earth logic, you will need not (yoda [earth logic])
Here, people are like THANK GOD IT'S FINALLY ABOVE FREEZING, THE FOOT OF SNOW WILL ALL MELT! FREEDOM FROM WEATHER HELL

Ah, yes. A foot of snow melting all at once, when we live in the shadow of a mountain range including several volcanoes, directly on one of the largest rivers in the country. What could possibly go wrong?

Poor Astoria.

ahhhhhh

Nov. 25th, 2016 12:31 am
anghraine: English: a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages & rifles through their pockets for spare vocab (english)
It's 12:32 AM and the results for my GRE just came in—not the general, but the English Literature Subject Test, which is quite possibly one of the most nightmarish exams I've ever taken (230 QUESTIONS ON ALL ENGLISH LANGUAGE LIT AND SOME FOREIGN, IN THREE HOURS).

I got 670, which they say is better than 88% of people who take it. It's not amazing, but Harvard, Berkeley, etc are like "there's no minimum... but 650 is in a good ballpark." SO. OKAY.

I have an MA and went to backwater-ish schools, so ... ideally it'd be better, I think, but is a good score. And in the general GRE, my verbal score was in the 99th percentile, and my master's GPA was a 3.98 ... but my undergrad was terrible and

UGH I DON'T KNOW SEND HELP

I live!

Sep. 25th, 2016 01:23 am
anghraine: regency man holding a book; text: love, pride & delicacy (darcy)
*phew*

So, for some unknown and unknowable reason, I had enormous anxiety about reminding a prof of the letter of recommendation that she had offered—offered, I might add, without my even asking her for it. I knew she had some sort of thing going on in the autumn, so by mid-September, I'd probably put it off too long. But it was then that I finally screwed myself up to sending off a "hi, hope you're doing well, hope the letter's still on, I'll be applying for my PhD programs in two months—no pressure, just a heads-up" e-mail.

Then, I got an automated message from the department that she was on sabbatical for THREE MONTHS and would be inaccessible until January. I'd worried she might be, but hadn't quite figured something that drastic. So I, you know, withered into a ball of anxiety and desperately tried to figure out other options, but didn't quite give up hope.

Read more... )
anghraine: leia as rosie the riveter; text: we can do it (leia [riveter])
I've already had to hear people going on about how Hillary's a DINO, despite being more liberal than 70% of Senate Democrats and "hardcore liberal" according to On The Issues. Maybe y'all don't know what is actually typical of Democratic politicians, or subsuming Hillary into her husband, or infected by the miasma of relentless right-wing scandalmongering, or reducing her to the single issues where she is centrist and ignoring that she's firmly in the left wing of the party the other 93% of the time. 

But all of that said? Nothing can ruin my happiness right now. I'm over the moon about HRC, happy with Bernie, happy with Bill (two men who are not my favourite people), happy with Michelle (a woman who is one of my favourite people), with Secretary Albright, with Nancy Pelosi, with President Obama, Senator Kaine, Barney Frank, completely charmed by Jerry Emmett, and awed by Sybrina Fulton, Lucia McBath, and Geneva Reed-Veal. What a day. 

YAY

Jul. 21st, 2016 10:16 am
anghraine: luke, leia, and han beaming at each other in anh (han/luke/leia [anh])
Among the many other dramas of the month was the appraisal of our house, which we bought for 170k about six years ago. (Through the bank. We've never had 170k lying around.)

Anyway, we've put a lot of work into the house/yard (my mother is an avid gardener, and ... remodeller), with new floors and such, and we were all super stressed about the appraisal for the last several months. The appraiser was really nice, and turns out to have appraised it when it was foreclosed on some ten years back, so he knew exactly what it looked like before we fixed it up. So we were hopeful of a good appraisal and all, but of course you never know.

It came in today and he appraised it for 261k!!!!
anghraine: b&w leia from rotj holding out her helmet (leia [kind])
I've been enjoying seeing the stuff out of Celebration on my dash (except the quasi-canonization of Thrawn, BOO HISS—but as long as they keep him out of the films, I'm good). Jyn Erso's grim-determined-insouciant smile is like ... my entire sexuality in a second, haha.

I'm also glad about the Ahsoka stuff for TCW/Rebels people! And Mark Hamill has been endlessly charming.

It's bittersweet for me, personally, because my sister is a massive Star Wars fan. It's the first remotely complex story I was able to introduce to her—she has some pretty severe developmental and mental disabilities, and we were told she'd never be able to read or follow the plot of a movie or anything. And she glommed onto it like nothing else, and asked about the Han and Jabba scene in ANH (all I have is the Special Edition)—she thought something about it didn't fit. She loves the prequels; Anakin/Vader is her favourite, though she also loves Padmé, Luke, and Leia. And she adored TFA, and came out of the theatre struggling between loving Kylo and loving Rey. 

(She's in good company, obviously, though I kept her the hell away from the fandom for obvious reasons.)

Anyway, SW has been a bonding thing between the two of us, and I'm the one who tells her the info that gets dropped and shows her the trailers and whatnot. So seeing it all without her around is like ... still very cool, but bittersweet, particularly as she's told us she's unhappy and doesn't like eating junk food all the time (she's pre-diabetic), so we're all worried anyway.

I'm trying to keep the gloominess off Tumblr, though it's probably pretty clear that I'm on edge. So I'm trying to cheer myself up with P&P—I posted some P&P fic at AO3 that I'd never got around to crossposting, including a WIP (shhhh), and I'll probably see if I can scramble the Fíriel scraps into something. It's probably the most happy lalalala of my genderswaps; the Lucy stuff is very linear, Philadelphia demands a certain ... rigour, but the Fíriel stuff is just a scrap with Éowyn here, a ramble there, an aesthetic fancast, occasional present, whatever (someone even asked for Fíriel/Arwen once and it's still rattling around my gdrive!). So that's sort of my happy place and I might do that. We'll see!

ugh

Jul. 11th, 2016 06:33 pm
anghraine: from the 2005 p&p: darcy standing at a piano while georgiana plays it (leia [blaster])
I was talking a bit on Tumblr about the state agency's unforgivably awful treatment of my foster sister wrt our family, and it came to a head today.

To roughly summarize: they decided my sister's problems make her too great a liability in a home (as opposed to consistently maintaining her necessary services, GOD FORBID) and today they took her away to be effectively institutionalized for at least a few months to determine her level of danger. However, my sister left a letter for my mother that made it clear (when discussed with the caseworker) that at least some of this is a lie, though at this point everyone has been told that it's temporary. My sister was also emphatically upbeat the whole time, except when she hugged me and quickly hid that she was crying. Which ... okay!! Constant delegitimization of our families is fine and has no consequences!!!

So. If you run over anything nice today, feel free to throw a link my way.
anghraine: vader's pyre; text: redemption (anakin [vader's pyre])
Things are going pretty well!

- I mentioned some trouble with my bff under f-lock, but he hasn't hinted at any issues, so that's good. 

- I also got sucked back into Game of Thrones this season—not in a fic/meta way, but in a reading lots of fic and reblogging things way

- Suppressing the urge to respond to every 'yeah pretty much except *quibble*' to a LOK post with NO YOU'RE WRONG THIS IS WHY. But I stand by my opinion that a) Korra was completely justified in her anger at Tonraq and Tenzin in S2, b) Korra was completely unjustified in her treatment of Mako at the same time, c) lighting unarmed people on fire is always morally dubious, d) LOK fandom was absurdly awful in their interpretations of S1-S2, and e) a lot of that came down to ill-advised pacing and structure in those seasons. WE WILL NEVER AGREE ABOUT THIS THERE IS NO POINT. 

- I followed a long-time supportive follower who turns out to be into a lot of the same things and also a SJ person taking on the extremes of SJ Tumblr. She reblogs and writes a lot of anti-gatekeeping, so I've ended up reading and appreciating those, but it also introduced me to the fuckery of 'SGA' rhetoric, which as an ace lesbian raised Mormon is ... not a trigger per se, but certainly viscerally repulsive. So I've ranted about that a bit. I'm honestly very, very relieved that everyone I know (and some I don't) have been supportive about it because THE FUCK???? (I'm also annoyed as a quietly androgynous person, but the Actual Conversion Therapy Term component kiiiinda overwhelms everything else.)

- Practicing my Spanish on Duolingo, this involves occasional screaming. LOOK LA AMO IS COMPLETELY LEGIT.

- istg I will finish the already-late chapter of my longfic (we get dark, only to shine, my Very Problematic and yet also very pretentious Borgias fic)
anghraine: bingley from 2005 p&p; text: bingley abruptly turns and BITES through the eyes of darcy! (bingley [zombie???])
I'm still just kind of boggling that Trump came to Oregon to talk about how he's going to swing the state red and get back to cutting down our trees (*hiss*). And he gave this speech in Eugene, of all places.

If you're not familiar with the peculiarities of the PNW political scene: geographically, most of Oregon and Washington are conservative, particularly Oregon. They get their hardcore progressive reputation (and votes) from small regions west of the Cascades, mostly concentrated in ultra-liberal urban centers like Seattle and Portland and, uh, Eugene—home of the University of Oregon. However, the population is also concentrated in those areas, which produces its own problems. There are more or less local issues, like secessionist sympathies ranging from violent to wistful, and intense environmentalism that is particularly intense among Democrats but part of PNW culture in general. In the last midterm elections, disastrous for Democrats, Republicans had talked about increasing logging and it ... ended badly.

So giving a speech about how he's going to make Oregon great again by chopping down more trees in EUGENE is just "???????????"

But he didn't end his tour of Democratic Cascadia there!

Read more... )
anghraine: b&w leia in anh, melancholy; text: shadows falling (leia [shadows])
In Mansfield Park, Austen makes a reference to "Dr Johnson's celebrated judgment."

Samuel Johnson is the man she's talking about, who I think is most lastingly remembered as The Dictionary Guy. He spent seven years compiling A Dictionary of the English Language, which was commissioned due to the general shittiness of English dictionaries up to that point. To make matters worse, while the £1,575 he made from it was a ton of money for the time (1747-1755), it wasn't actually enough to cover the expenses of the materials, the assistants, and his own household. So he had to keep writing while working on this massive project.

A friend actually pointed out that the standardized French dictionary had taken forty years to create, with forty people working on it. Johnson basically shrugged and went "lol, the French, amirite?" He actually boasted that he could do it in just three years, though it took seven in the end. It's still one of the greatest works of scholarship in the history of English—it was the ultimate English dictionary until the OED. 

In the meanwhile he wrote a play, Irene, helped by his bff David Garrick, former pupil and current theatre superstar. It wasn't terribly successful, but he made money off of it, which was ... well, he was very much of the Terry Pratchett line of thought on writing. More precisely, he said that "no man but a blockhead" would write for any reason but to make a living.

...

Well, he got what he wanted out of it, anyway. He also wrote this poem called "The Vanity of Human Wishes." Coming out of a Chaucer class, I figured it'd be about how people always ask for the wrong things, and don't recognize the right ones (think "Unanswered Prayers," lol—the concept goes back a long way). It's ... well, vaguely about that, but on a far more existential level.

Read more... )
anghraine: drawing of a regency lady with dark blonde hair side-eyeing someone (darcy [f!darcy - catherine])
So I hope y'all don't mind eighteenth and nineteenth century British lit over your reading list, because I'm studying for exams and can't seem to commit much of it to memory. (I look like death warmed over, pretty much, because I'm sure I won't pass and it constantly wakes me up, and also I'm teaching freshmen and also taking a seminar and a 400-level class for which the midterm is tomorrow haha.)

Anyway, here's a passage I loved from Mill on the Floss (one of many):

It was written down by a hand that waited for the heart's prompting; it is the chronicle of a solitary, hidden anguish, struggle, trust and triumph—not written on velvet cushions to teach endurance to those who are treading with bleeding feet on the stones. And so it remains to all time a lasting record of human needs and human consolations: the voice of a brother who, ages ago, felt and suffered and renounced—in the cloister, perhaps, with serge gown and tonsured head, with much chanting and long fasts, and with a fashion of speech different from ours—but under the same silent far-off heavens, and with the same passionate desires, the same strivings, the same failures, the same weariness.

anghraine: brown-haired cartoon girl with a wide smile, large black eyes, a bloodstained shawl, a cup of tea, a sword, and a crown (me (as author!))
I don't always rant on social media about research into medieval constructions of childhood and gender, but when I do...

 

...it's in MLA format.

...okay

Mar. 8th, 2016 12:43 pm
anghraine: from the 2005 p&p: darcy standing at a piano while georgiana plays it (anakin [choke])
I would like to thank [personal profile] sixbeforelunch for the term "brain weasels," because literally nothing fits my headspace quite so magnificently.

Brought to you from the department of 1) I managed to sleep for six hours, which is almost reasonable, yay! and 2) what woke me up today was my brain deciding to play "Jukebox Hero" on constant loop.

Why? I don't know. You don't know. Nobody knows.

Except the brain weasels!
anghraine: leia looking anxiously away in esb (leia [anxious])
Day 3:

- trying not to chew anyone's head off
- kind of hate everything
- nearly finished a chapter I've been struggling over for a year and a half (I mean, between the cracks of my life as 1. a grad student and 2. a faculty member). in a week
- re-organized the litmag's files in a fit of frustration
- barely restrained myself from furiously reblogging everyone who disagrees with me
- craving food constantly
- played four levels of Divinity: Original Sin. it's the only thing I seem capable of enjoying right now
- still at a grand total of eight hours of sleep since Saturday
- my reflection looks exhausted
- I feel 1000% alert
- fuck every single person who thinks hypomania is fun and romantic
anghraine: portrait of cèsar de borja; text: il principe (cèsar [il principe])
I already shrieked about this on Tumblr, but my excitement cannot be contained to one platform!!!!

Y'all, the best thing just happened to me. The BEST. And all because I thought a Showtime series with lovingly gorgeous design and dysfunctional Renaissance families sounded like a nice way to pass the time. 

People who have not followed me through my passionate descent into Borgias stanning, all you need to know is that it happened, and being me, was followed by I MUST KNOW ALL THE THINGS. So at this point I've acquired a substantial shelf of Borgia-related histories and watched the shows and read the manga and written the problematic longfic and so on.

I also wrote a grad school paper on how complex the show's divergences from history really are, and on adaptation in general--pretty much the paper on adaptation I always wanted to write through the prism of the particular adaptation I happened to be into at the time. Uploaded it a research sharing site, the end. 

OR SO IT SEEMED~

This morning, and by morning I mean 6:30 AM, I got a message in my inbox in Spanish. The name was so unfamiliar that I thought it might just be a site bot or something, so I groggily scanned it and ... well. Not a bot. More specifically, it was from a for-real professor about a conference her university is hosting, about representations of the Borgia, which given my research and interests she thought might be of interest to me. Guess what her university it is?

YOU WON'T GUESS. The Universitat de València. That is, one of the most prestigious in Spain, which has been a university since 1501 when it was authorized by the papal bull of, surprise, Rodrigo Borgia. And when out of curiosity, I checked to see if anyone had read my paper, the site's analytics said someone in Spain had clicked on it yesterday.

So. I, fic writer and grad student at a tiny, low-funded, not particularly prestigious program, got contacted by a legit scholar from Rodrigo Borgia's university about a conference being held in conjunction with the institute of Borgia studies, in his hometown, because of my grumpy intro to grad studies paper. With a prestigious publication attached. Like, even if I don't get in????? This is... me! This happened to me!!!

I'm sorry, Neil Jordan, I've complained about your choices a lot, but all is forgiven. MY YEAR IS MADE, MY LIFE IS MADE
anghraine: luke skywalker staring at his cybernetic hand; text: the monster within (luke [monster within])
Originally this was a reply to [personal profile] sixbeforelunch , but as they say, it grew in the telling.

Basically, the tale of my mental health now and how I got to the place where I am: struggling with the crazy, always, but also, doing better than I ever have in my life.

Read more... )

blehhh

Nov. 30th, 2015 10:46 am
anghraine: picture of luke; text: my fandom has been whining longer than your fandom has existed (luke [whining])
this is just general whining

WAH WAH WAH )
anghraine: English: a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages & rifles through their pockets for spare vocab (english)
The Bad: I had a midterm due yesterday, which I didn't finish. My professor had already given the class a collective extension if we needed it, but I felt bad anyway. (I even considered using one of our excused absences from the shame of it all, but I ran into my professor earlier that day and felt like it'd be even more embarrassing to miss his class. Particularly since people do a lot, and he's sweet and brilliant and Deserves Better.)

The Good: Then I talked to the head of my department, Dr N, about the class I'm teaching and about doing a thesis, and she was like, "Have you talked to Dr R? I know she loved the essays you wrote for her classes and really admires your work."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read more... )
anghraine: luke carrying yoda on his back; text: do or do not, there is no try (luke and yoda [there is no try])
My brain is so tired. Also my left hand, which is pathetically weak and spent most of yesterday twitching. In the last week, I have: 
(mention of rape, very minor spoilers for Lucy) )
anghraine: from the 2005 p&p: darcy standing at a piano while georgiana plays it (twins [laughing and half-divine])
I'm procrastinating an essay that I'm actually looking forward to writing (one of my sources is this awesome collection of essays on fandom - the one on "Theory fans" was glorious) because ... I don't know. Woe is me, I have to read a ton of EU-hating SW meta and fic for the aforementioned essay. Also I have to write a short story this weekend! I'm even avoiding keeping up with my tumblr dash (how did I end up following so many people??). Conclusion: I should clearly wrap up the music meme:

Read more... )

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