ahhhhhh

Nov. 25th, 2016 12:31 am
anghraine: English: a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages & rifles through their pockets for spare vocab (english)
It's 12:32 AM and the results for my GRE just came in—not the general, but the English Literature Subject Test, which is quite possibly one of the most nightmarish exams I've ever taken (230 QUESTIONS ON ALL ENGLISH LANGUAGE LIT AND SOME FOREIGN, IN THREE HOURS).

I got 670, which they say is better than 88% of people who take it. It's not amazing, but Harvard, Berkeley, etc are like "there's no minimum... but 650 is in a good ballpark." SO. OKAY.

I have an MA and went to backwater-ish schools, so ... ideally it'd be better, I think, but is a good score. And in the general GRE, my verbal score was in the 99th percentile, and my master's GPA was a 3.98 ... but my undergrad was terrible and

UGH I DON'T KNOW SEND HELP

I live!

Sep. 25th, 2016 01:23 am
anghraine: regency man holding a book; text: love, pride & delicacy (darcy)
*phew*

So, for some unknown and unknowable reason, I had enormous anxiety about reminding a prof of the letter of recommendation that she had offered—offered, I might add, without my even asking her for it. I knew she had some sort of thing going on in the autumn, so by mid-September, I'd probably put it off too long. But it was then that I finally screwed myself up to sending off a "hi, hope you're doing well, hope the letter's still on, I'll be applying for my PhD programs in two months—no pressure, just a heads-up" e-mail.

Then, I got an automated message from the department that she was on sabbatical for THREE MONTHS and would be inaccessible until January. I'd worried she might be, but hadn't quite figured something that drastic. So I, you know, withered into a ball of anxiety and desperately tried to figure out other options, but didn't quite give up hope.

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anghraine: a piece of paper covered in handwriting and a fountain pen; text: writer (writing)
Please be the last. Please, please, please. (Note from the future: it is!! Thank God.)

Continued from this.

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anghraine: bingley from 2005 p&p; text: bingley abruptly turns and BITES through the eyes of darcy! (bingley [zombie???])
so close

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anghraine: a picture of the protagonist and pov characters as my novel as hogwarts students (arceptra and giva (hogwarts))
I never imagined Pekuah would get this much screentime, but here we go. More ship fodder!

Continued from this.

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anghraine: unmasked vader and luke between teal panels; text: tell your sister (anakin and luke [tell your sister])
Nekayah/Pekuah tbh

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anghraine: leia in the death star cell; text: distressing damsel (distressing damsel)
ugh

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anghraine: sherlock holmes [benedick cumberbatch]; text: i'm bored & your porn is boring (sherlock)
THE AUSTEN CONNECTION AT LAST!

Continued from here.

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anghraine: leia peering sideways (anh) (leia [angle])
continued from this

kill me now


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anghraine: from the 2005 p&p: darcy standing at a piano while georgiana plays it (darcys)
Escape! Continued from this.

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anghraine: leia hugging luke at the end of esb (luke and leia [hugs!])
I didn't order a side of RAGING IMPERIALISM with my fable, Johnson.

Continued from this.

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anghraine: picture of luke; text: my fandom has been whining longer than your fandom has existed (luke [whining])
Continuation of this post.

IMLAC!

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anghraine: b&w leia in anh, melancholy; text: shadows falling (leia [shadows])
In Mansfield Park, Austen makes a reference to "Dr Johnson's celebrated judgment."

Samuel Johnson is the man she's talking about, who I think is most lastingly remembered as The Dictionary Guy. He spent seven years compiling A Dictionary of the English Language, which was commissioned due to the general shittiness of English dictionaries up to that point. To make matters worse, while the £1,575 he made from it was a ton of money for the time (1747-1755), it wasn't actually enough to cover the expenses of the materials, the assistants, and his own household. So he had to keep writing while working on this massive project.

A friend actually pointed out that the standardized French dictionary had taken forty years to create, with forty people working on it. Johnson basically shrugged and went "lol, the French, amirite?" He actually boasted that he could do it in just three years, though it took seven in the end. It's still one of the greatest works of scholarship in the history of English—it was the ultimate English dictionary until the OED. 

In the meanwhile he wrote a play, Irene, helped by his bff David Garrick, former pupil and current theatre superstar. It wasn't terribly successful, but he made money off of it, which was ... well, he was very much of the Terry Pratchett line of thought on writing. More precisely, he said that "no man but a blockhead" would write for any reason but to make a living.

...

Well, he got what he wanted out of it, anyway. He also wrote this poem called "The Vanity of Human Wishes." Coming out of a Chaucer class, I figured it'd be about how people always ask for the wrong things, and don't recognize the right ones (think "Unanswered Prayers," lol—the concept goes back a long way). It's ... well, vaguely about that, but on a far more existential level.

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anghraine: drawing of a regency lady with dark blonde hair side-eyeing someone (darcy [f!darcy - catherine])
So I hope y'all don't mind eighteenth and nineteenth century British lit over your reading list, because I'm studying for exams and can't seem to commit much of it to memory. (I look like death warmed over, pretty much, because I'm sure I won't pass and it constantly wakes me up, and also I'm teaching freshmen and also taking a seminar and a 400-level class for which the midterm is tomorrow haha.)

Anyway, here's a passage I loved from Mill on the Floss (one of many):

It was written down by a hand that waited for the heart's prompting; it is the chronicle of a solitary, hidden anguish, struggle, trust and triumph—not written on velvet cushions to teach endurance to those who are treading with bleeding feet on the stones. And so it remains to all time a lasting record of human needs and human consolations: the voice of a brother who, ages ago, felt and suffered and renounced—in the cloister, perhaps, with serge gown and tonsured head, with much chanting and long fasts, and with a fashion of speech different from ours—but under the same silent far-off heavens, and with the same passionate desires, the same strivings, the same failures, the same weariness.

anghraine: brown-haired cartoon girl with a wide smile, large black eyes, a bloodstained shawl, a cup of tea, a sword, and a crown (me (as author!))
I don't always rant on social media about research into medieval constructions of childhood and gender, but when I do...

 

...it's in MLA format.
anghraine: portrait of cèsar de borja; text: il principe (cèsar [il principe])
I already shrieked about this on Tumblr, but my excitement cannot be contained to one platform!!!!

Y'all, the best thing just happened to me. The BEST. And all because I thought a Showtime series with lovingly gorgeous design and dysfunctional Renaissance families sounded like a nice way to pass the time. 

People who have not followed me through my passionate descent into Borgias stanning, all you need to know is that it happened, and being me, was followed by I MUST KNOW ALL THE THINGS. So at this point I've acquired a substantial shelf of Borgia-related histories and watched the shows and read the manga and written the problematic longfic and so on.

I also wrote a grad school paper on how complex the show's divergences from history really are, and on adaptation in general--pretty much the paper on adaptation I always wanted to write through the prism of the particular adaptation I happened to be into at the time. Uploaded it a research sharing site, the end. 

OR SO IT SEEMED~

This morning, and by morning I mean 6:30 AM, I got a message in my inbox in Spanish. The name was so unfamiliar that I thought it might just be a site bot or something, so I groggily scanned it and ... well. Not a bot. More specifically, it was from a for-real professor about a conference her university is hosting, about representations of the Borgia, which given my research and interests she thought might be of interest to me. Guess what her university it is?

YOU WON'T GUESS. The Universitat de València. That is, one of the most prestigious in Spain, which has been a university since 1501 when it was authorized by the papal bull of, surprise, Rodrigo Borgia. And when out of curiosity, I checked to see if anyone had read my paper, the site's analytics said someone in Spain had clicked on it yesterday.

So. I, fic writer and grad student at a tiny, low-funded, not particularly prestigious program, got contacted by a legit scholar from Rodrigo Borgia's university about a conference being held in conjunction with the institute of Borgia studies, in his hometown, because of my grumpy intro to grad studies paper. With a prestigious publication attached. Like, even if I don't get in????? This is... me! This happened to me!!!

I'm sorry, Neil Jordan, I've complained about your choices a lot, but all is forgiven. MY YEAR IS MADE, MY LIFE IS MADE
anghraine: luke skywalker staring at his cybernetic hand; text: the monster within (luke [monster within])
Originally this was a reply to [personal profile] sixbeforelunch , but as they say, it grew in the telling.

Basically, the tale of my mental health now and how I got to the place where I am: struggling with the crazy, always, but also, doing better than I ever have in my life.

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blehhh

Nov. 30th, 2015 10:46 am
anghraine: picture of luke; text: my fandom has been whining longer than your fandom has existed (luke [whining])
this is just general whining

WAH WAH WAH )
anghraine: English: a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages & rifles through their pockets for spare vocab (english)
The Bad: I had a midterm due yesterday, which I didn't finish. My professor had already given the class a collective extension if we needed it, but I felt bad anyway. (I even considered using one of our excused absences from the shame of it all, but I ran into my professor earlier that day and felt like it'd be even more embarrassing to miss his class. Particularly since people do a lot, and he's sweet and brilliant and Deserves Better.)

The Good: Then I talked to the head of my department, Dr N, about the class I'm teaching and about doing a thesis, and she was like, "Have you talked to Dr R? I know she loved the essays you wrote for her classes and really admires your work."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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anghraine: korra in the avatar state (avatar korra)
hi

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anghraine: from the 2005 p&p: darcy standing at a piano while georgiana plays it (Default)
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