anghraine | Ten Facts About Fitzwilliam Darcy

I meant to write a Darcy set to accompany Elizabeth's, but after a serious fact or two, just kept coming up with crack. So instead I deciding to put off the serious fic and embrace the insanity.

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Title: Ten Facts About Fitzwilliam Darcy (crack version)

Fandom: Austen, nominally; also references to others.

Fanverse: for the lulz

Blurb: see the title. the whole title.

Major characters: Fitzwilliam Darcy

Length: one-shot, short

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(10) Clouds don't bring rain to Pemberley.

Darcy permits rain to fall at appropriate intervals.

(9) Darcy's touch cures consumption, smallpox, leprosy, and the common cold.

On the downside, it makes scarlet fever and pneumonia much worse.

(8) Puberty never hit Darcy.

Darcy hit puberty.

Men turned gay. Women turned straight. Every person who set eyes on him instantly formed an irrepressible passion for him. Even Fate began warping reality in his favour, which is why helpful coincidences still trail dutifully after him.

(He was twelve.)

(7) Darcy's first word was the last digit of pi.

(6) The people who think Darcy's father was named George are almost right.

It was actually Jor-El.

(5) Aliens stay away from Earth because they can still sense Darcy's presence.

Yes, through the pages of the book.

(4) Darcy reads Pride and Prejudice every year.

He smiles all the time because he knows how it ends.

(The first time, the universe tried to break apart, so now he holds it together with the power of his mind.)

(3) As a child, Darcy tripped over a fallen log and fell through the space-time continuum.

He ended up in a galaxy far, far away, which he saved three times before managing to fall back home.

(The Force wasn't with him. He was with the Force.)

(2) Darcy is a Time Lord.

If he ever hits his thirteenth regeneration, he'll just start all over again.

(1) Darcy isn't Tom Lefroy, or the Suitor by the Seaside, or any of his creator's other would-be lovers.

He's Jane Austen.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*iz ded from awesome*

They're all made of win, but I think #4 is my favorite.

ahahahaha thank you.

#4 was one I hesitated about (I wanted to work in League of the Scarlet Pimpernel!Darcy and almost replaced it), so I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

lolololololololol, this is the best thing ever

that'd be because I wrote it in ten minutes of madness yesterday. :D

and thanks, heh.

so... darcy is chuck norris.

gah, damn typos.

Darcy is more Chuck Norris than Chuck Norris is.

(6) The people who think Darcy's father was named George are almost right.

It was actually Jor-El.

Dude, I have wanted this crossover rather badly for a while now, with ickle two-year-old Darcy being found when a rocketship crashes down in Pemberly. (Wickham can be his Lex Luthor!)

that would be hilarious. I have to admit, however, that it didn't occur to me that anybody else would ever have thought of it in ... ever.

So I was having one of those days at work (back when I was still employed) where I was trying to keep my brain from atrophying, so I started thinking up random things to try to cross P&P with. And one of the things I thought of was Superman. So, brain, I thought, would the Bennets have son who came down in a rocket ship or would Elizabeth and Darcy find baby Superman or what? And my brain said back to me, Dude, you know how Clark Kent got his first name from Momma Kent's maiden name and how a certain OTHER fictional character's first name is his mom's maiden name...

So yeah. SuperDarcy. Who wouldn't be the heir to Pemberly in that AU, because he'd be adopted, but they'd probably leave him the money Georgiana would have got since she'd now be having Pemberly. And Wickham would totally be resenting him due to jealousy over getting so much from old Mr Darcy when Wickham just got Kympton/some smaller amount of money/whatever. (And also because Darcy made him bald somehow. Which was actually a good thing for Wickham because it made him turn to SKIENCE to get his beautiful hair back and he turns out be rather good at the whole evil mad scientist gig.)

And as you can tell, I thought way too much about how to do this. Mostly because the mental picture of Darcy Clark Kenting it up with Disguise Spectacles, slouching, and frumpy clothes amuses me.

hey, adopted children inherited all the time. That was the whole point of adopting children. (Usually.)

bald!Wickham makes me weep tears of joy. Though I have trouble imagining Wickham as a scientist. He can hardly make it as a con artist.

OMG, frumpy!Darcy would be hilarious. Almost as hilarious as Darcy in the Superman suit. hehhhhhhhh.

Ten Facts About Fitzwilliam Darcy

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this I haven't seen!

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you deciding?

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ahahahahaha

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