(no subject)

Ugh, just feeling more amorphous angst that my creative writing (of any kind) is worse than my meta/essays and will always be worse, and I'm stuck trying to claw by in academia and will never have even a limited pro writing career ... meh.

I haven't even been rejected lately, I've just been going over my novel and I just got through the weakest section. The chapters I'm reading now are better, but not better enough to make the LO, ALL IS DOOMED angst go away. I know that I wrote most of that section a long time ago, and it's too structurally integrated to easily overhaul as I did the later sections written at that time, so in some ways it's a relic of the writer I was back then more than who I am now. Even so, it's discouraging to read something I've been over so many times and be like "yeah, that's still not good and I see a bunch of problems I've missed every time before."

:(