On my separate rooms headcanon

[anghraine]

So, one of the reasons I started headcanoning Darcy and Elizabeth as having separate rooms is sheer malevolence grumpiness at Austen fanon in general. That one is pretty inoffensive in itself, but treated as sort of ... obligatory? And I don't care for obligatory.

But passive-aggression is not the only reason I went for it!

The other one is that I really, really like Congreve's Way of the World, and I particularly love the heroine Millamant. There's a scene where she and her secret lover Mirabell, a Reformed Rake(TM), negotiate a series of demands they'll require from each other in marriage. Millamant wants:

- to keep sleeping in late
- no pet names or nicknames
- no PDA
- to visit whoever she wants
- to write and receive letters without being questioned about them
- to wear whatever she wants
- to choose what conversations she participates in
- to have dinner in her own room on bad days
- to have her own room
- to manage her tea table on her own, which he should stay away from unless he asks permission
- a knock at the door before he comes in to any room she happens to occupy

And Mirabell has his own demands (no heavy drinking, no corsets during pregnancy etc), but he agrees to hers. It's a comedic scene, but also rather sweet:


MILLA. Fainall, what shall I do? Shall I have him? I think I must have him.

MRS. FAIN. Ay, ay, take him, take him, what should you do?

MILLA. Well then—I’ll take my death, I’m in a horrid fright—Fainall, I shall never say it. Well—I think—I’ll endure you.

MRS. FAIN. Fie, fie, have him, and tell him so in plain terms: for I am sure you have a mind to him.

MILLA. Are you? I think I have; and the horrid man looks as if he thought so too. Well, you ridiculous thing you, I’ll have you. I won’t be kissed, nor I won’t be thanked.—Here, kiss my hand though.


IDK, it's very charming to me. It was written near a century before P&P was, but Millamant is often considered a sort of predecessor to Elizabeth, and it's not like the issues at hand went anywhere. And after that, it struck me that—well, I'd find it charming for Elizabeth and Darcy, too. Their dynamic wouldn't be near as screwball, of course, but Pemberley is such a stand-in for Darcy himself that I really like the idea of Elizabeth having a place within it that's completely her own. And I really like the idea of Darcy understanding and respecting that.

So, in the end, I came around to thinking separate rooms would actually be very romantic in its own way—just a different sort of romantic.

Comments

[alatefeline]

:)

[sixbeforelunch]

I am 100% with you on this one.

But I am very pro-separate bedrooms generally, probably because my parents marriage markedly improved when they stopped sharing a bedroom. Honestly, I think if you have space for it, it just makes sense. There's no reason why you can't sleep together if you're so inclined, but having your own space to retreat to when you're sick or just not in the mood to share a bed sounds lovely, and on the off chance I ever get married, it's one of those things I will try to negotiate with a future spouse. Separate bedrooms! It doesn't mean I love you any less, it just means sometimes I like to starfish all over the bed.

Not to mention the general importance of a private space of one's own, especially for women at that time.

[alias_sqbr]

I like your headcanon, and Way of the World does sound quite charming.

[felinejumper]

Way of the world sounds very nice and omg, relationship negotiations? My *dream*. And it...is a good headcanon, and one I am so pleased to accept forever.

Also, hi! A general statement that I *love* all of the Austen meta you bring to my life on a semi-regular basis, although I think this is the first time I'm saying so (still...getting over...Tumblr consumption mode...).

[elperian]

I've never thought much about it, but it would also be nice on the front that at Longbourn, Elizabeth had no real space of her own. It would be nice for her to have that in marriage.

[beatrice_otter]

In North Dakota, there are a LOT of people who have shop buildings/garages as big as/bigger than their house. This is because, it doesn't matter how much you love someone, dear GOD you do not want them underfoot 24/7 even if you're an extrovert, everybody needs their own SPACE, especially if you live in a place where you might have entire months that it doesn't get UP to zero Fahrenheit. And a shop building is the cheapest way to get more square footage. And gives you space to do stuff.

Everybody needs space of their own. That may be a bedroom or it may be a shop building or whatever, but it makes a huge difference.

But then, my grandparents had a very happy marriage based on sleeping on opposite ends of the house starting the second their kids went off to college and they had the room. They loved each other dearly, but my grandmother snored like you would not believe.

[anghraine]

Thank you! And it really is super fun and adorable.

[anghraine]

Thank you! Right, it's a bit weird that there's such a stigma around something that seems so practical? Breathing room doesn't mean you don't love your partner.

And yeah, it's especially attractive to me with the period context for women. Elizabeth has probably never had an interior space that couldn't be intruded upon at a moment's notice.

[anghraine]

This is late, but thank you very much, on the particular and the general! :)

[anghraine]

Definitely!

[anghraine]

Huh, I never thought about shops in those terms! But it makes sense. And yeah, I feel like while space is not always available, it's beneficial if you can get it.