I guess I wrote this in seven hours?
Jan. 30th, 2020 01:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anghraineToday's my free day, so I just started writing at four and finished at around eleven. :D
title: The Jedi and the Sith Lord (11/?)
verse: Lucy Skywalker: my f!Luke AU, following from The Adventures of Lucy Skywalker and The Imperial Menace
characters: Luke/Lucy Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker (in spirit, though not person); Chirrut Îmwe, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ellex (LX-3)
stuff that happens: Lucy has another chat with Chirrut and faces the truth—from a certain point of view.
previous sections: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Vader had not, it turned out, been joking about the restriction on Lucy’s movements. Not that Lucy thought he had, but she’d grown used to her comparative freedom. For the rest of that day, however, she was confined to her locked bedroom except for meal times, when Ellex marched her to the dining hall and loomed while she ate, before all but dragging her back.
Lucy knew the consequences of her escape could be worse, but that just made her think of why she’d been let off so lightly, which made her think of Vader insisting he was her father, which sent her thoughts spinning off into uncertainty and anger at all involved. She simmered all that day, and that pulled the Light Side out of her reach until she managed to scrape together some calm that night.
She drifted off to sleep under Ellex’s unrelenting sensors, and opened her eyes to the half-familiar city in the desert.
Oh.
Lucy made her way over to the oasis where the monk customarily sat, and sure enough, found him there.
“Hello again,” she said.
“Good evening,” said the monk, perfectly serene.
Lucy paused, then added, “I don’t know your name. Leia—Princess Leia of Alderaan—told me, but I can’t remember, sorry.”
“It’s Chirrut Îmwe,” he replied.
For no particular reason, she’d expected some resistance, or even a denial. She nodded.
“Chirrut. Okay. Did you call me?”
“No,” said Chirrut. “It’s a relief to encounter you alive and well, of course.”
She hopped up onto the rough bench beside him and pushed her loose hair back, anxiously running her hands through it before dropping them in her lap.
“Then it’s me doing it. Sorry, I just … I’m not sure I am well.”
Concern passed over his face. “Have you been harmed?”
“No,” she said, then thought about it. “I mean, I was, but I did it to myself—I snuck out of the fortress and got poisoned by the fumes. I’m fine now.”
“It sounds like a charming place,” said Chirrut.
She gave a startled laugh. “Oh, definitely.”
“How are you unwell, then?”
Lucy lowered her gaze to her hands, not knowing what she expected to find. Something in her not-quite-human blood, or … something.
“My Jedi teacher—Obi-Wan Kenobi—told me that Darth Vader murdered my father,” she said. “Vader says that he is my father and that Obi-Wan tried to burn him alive.”
His eyebrows rose. “Not quite the usual behaviour of a Jedi.”
She wasn’t sure if he meant Ben or Vader.
“I guess not,” said Lucy. “I just … I don’t know what to think, or who to trust.”
“What does the Force tell you?” said Chirrut.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “It’s all tangled up here. I feel like it’s true—I was pretty certain at first—but I don’t know if that’s the Force or wanting to believe it.” She frowned. “I mean, I don’t want to believe it. It’s just that it explains some things.”
He considered this.
“Were you close to your father?”
“I never knew him,” said Lucy. “My uncle and aunt said he died around the time I was born. But they talked about him as my real father, and everyone’s said I’m like him. I always wanted to believe it, and hear stories and—and—in a way, I guess I was close to him. Not like people whose parents are there, though.”
Her teeth dug into her bottom lip.
“Hm,” said Chirrut.
“And I admire him for what he did,” said Lucy. “I used to, anyway. He was born into slavery on Tatooine, but he got out and became a Jedi.”
She remembered asking, Are you kavashti?
And Vader had said, No.
It might not mean that he came from free folk. It might, horrifyingly, mean that he’d been a slave himself. But the idea seemed as impossible as the rest.
“Not to be morbid,” Chirrut said, “but do you know if there was there a body?”
She shook her head. “Nobody ever said.”
“Then it’s possible,” he said simply.
“If it’s true—” Her voice broke off. Her throat didn’t bother her here, but she had to clear it, anyway. “If it’s true, what should I do? I can’t just act like it means nothing! He said he wants to rule the galaxy with me!”
“Do you want to rule the galaxy?” said Chirrut, imperturbable as ever.
“No!” She bit her lip again. “But I do want to bring down the Emperor. I just don’t want to replace him with more of the same. Vader’s awful.”
“Not many people would disagree with you there,” he replied.
She hesitated. “He hasn’t been what I thought, though. I wouldn’t say kind, but—not cruel. Not to me.”
“You think you’re receiving special treatment?” said Chirrut.
Thinking of Tuvié, Lucy squeezed her eyes shut. “Yes. I just don’t know if it’s because he wants my help or because I really am his daughter. It’s hard to think of him as sentimental.”
“Very hard,” said Chirrut. “But I don’t exactly know him personally. I hardly know you. I can’t tell you what you should believe or do.”
Her stomach sank, but at the same time, she wasn’t really surprised. She nodded.
“What I can tell you,” he went on, “is that the Force is with you. Trust it. If your choices serve its purposes, it will carry you through anything.” Then he smiled. “So make sure they do.”
“But I don’t know what it’s saying,” she protested. “Everything is mixed up here. How can I make the right choices if I don’t understand what’s going on?”
He looked thoughtful. “I can’t help you with that. But perhaps—yes, I might find someone who could.”
“Like Captain Andor and Jyn Erso?” she said hopefully.
“No,” said Chirrut. “It took all our strength to bring them, and I doubt they’d be of much help in this situation. Remember their advice, though.”
“Be ready. And—” She swallowed. “And remember who I am.”
I don’t know who I am anymore.
“That’s right,” he said. “Now, rest. I think you’ll need it for tomorrow.”
“Is something going to happen?” asked Lucy.
But he was gone, and his city with him.
-
The next day passed very much as the first had, with added anticipation of what might occur. It seemed unlikely that it would actually occur in daytime, shut up in her bedroom, though Lucy constantly checked for some change or sign. Ellex seemed even more suspicious than usual, though she had yet to stun her. Thank the Force for small blessings, Lucy supposed.
The hours seemed to creep by, and she was so keyed-up by the time she crawled into bed that she couldn’t sleep. Tense and frustrated, she lay awake for a good two hours before she finally drifted off.
She woke—or rather, didn’t wake—to Chirrut’s city, and swiftly made her way along the usual path to his bench. As she approached, Lucy saw him standing with another man, one who had his back to her but appeared rather elderly.
“I couldn’t do it on my own,” Chirrut was saying. “Though, of course, neither could she.”
“Extraordinary,” the man said. “Quite extraordinary.”
Lucy knew that voice.
“Ben?”
The old man turned around—and sure enough, she saw the familiar face of Obi-Wan Kenobi. It looked particularly unreadable at the moment.
“Lucy, it’s good to see you.”
“I—” She held herself still, trying to make sense of it all, then took several steps forward. “I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I, wholly,” said Obi-Wan. “I’ve tried to reach you, but could only sense that you were surrounded by the Dark Side. We feared you were lost.”
Lost could mean a lot of things. But Lucy thought she had a pretty good idea of which one he meant.
“I’m surrounded by the Dark Side because Darth Vader captured me and locked me up in his castle,” she said indignantly. “I haven’t turned—I wouldn’t.”
At that, his stiff shoulders relaxed. Dead though he might be, he exhaled.
“Good. That is … an inexpressible relief, Lucy.”
She could only nod, unsure what to say with so many fears and questions whirling around her brain, and Chirrut sitting idly by.
“I hope you have not suffered too much,” Obi-Wan added.
“Not much at all,” said Lucy. She thought of her days of blindness, and almost suffocating on toxic fumes. “I mean, it could be worse.”
“Vader can always get worse,” he said grimly. “I won’t ask what he’s done to you, but be very careful.”
“He hasn’t done anything, hardly,” she replied. “Except—”
Obi-Wan looked at her inquiringly, managing to exude sympathy despite his neutral expression. Unable to think of any other approach, she steeled herself.
“Except,” Lucy said, “he told me he’s my father.”
His eyes went wide, the neutrality replaced by shock—enough shock that she could almost think her hopes didn’t mislead her. But every instinct warned her against it.
“Is it true?” she demanded. “Is Darth Vader my father?”
As quickly as it had come, Obi-Wan’s shock faded. He walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and looking down at her in his quietly kind way.
“This is unexpected,” he said, and sighed. “I’m afraid that he is, in a sense.”
In a sense?
“You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father!” cried Lucy.
Even in the dream realm, or whatever it was, Obi-Wan managed to look older.
“Your father was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force,” he told her. “He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true, from a certain point of view.”
Chirrut, who had withdrawn into unobtrusive observation through all this, said, “Hmm.”
“A certain point of view?” Lucy said incredulously.
“Lucy,” said Obi-Wan, “you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”
He could wrap it in whatever fine words he liked. He’d lied. It really was Vader who’d told her the truth. Lucy shrugged off his hand and turned away, her fingers curling.
Then Obi-Wan said,
“I don’t blame you for being angry. Anakin was a good friend.”
She faced him again, struggling for some sort of composure. He could tell her the real story—but it might just be more lies. How would she know?
Dità juradiiyad echoed in her mind.
“When I first knew him,” said Obi-Wan, “your father was already a great pilot, but I was amazed at how strongly the Force was with him. I took it upon myself to train him as a Jedi.” He shook his head. “I thought that I could instruct him just as well as Yoda. I was wrong.”
Her feelings had been right. She shouldn’t have convinced herself to doubt them. Now, she knew she had to follow where they led her.
“I don’t understand him,” Lucy admitted. “There’s … I don’t know. Something that doesn’t fit.”
“He’s more machine now than man,” said Obi-Wan somberly. “Twisted and evil.”
He meant something by that, she thought. More than he was saying.
“I don’t know,” she said again.
Out of nowhere, apparently, Obi-Wan asked, “How often do you face him?”
“Everyday, when he’s here,” said Lucy, startled. “He always sends for me and talks about turning to the Dark Side. I was scared at first, but it’s mostly just boring now.”
“Your opportunity will come,” Obi-Wan told her.
It could have meant any number of things. But with that, it all became clear. She went cold.
“I can’t do it, Ben,” she said.
“You cannot escape your destiny,” said Obi-Wan.
She was really tired of hearing that.
“I can’t kill my own father!” she insisted.
Obi-Wan shook his head. “Then the Emperor has already won.”
Vader said the same thing when he talked about turning to the Dark Side. She hadn’t abandoned what she believed when he did it, and she wouldn’t when Obi-Wan did, either.
She pressed her lips together, and said, “That’s not all he said. He told me that you left him to burn alive. Is that true?”
“He may have left out some details,” said Obi-Wan. “We fought a duel on Mustafar after he’d slaughtered dozens. I defeated him and he fell into the lava. Then—you have to understand, Lucy, that he was only a child when I took on his care. I thought of him as a younger brother at the time and afterwards, as I saw him growing into a fine Jedi. Even when he turned to evil, I couldn’t bring myself to kill him.”
“So you left him there,” she said.
He closed his eyes, then opened them again and met hers directly. “Yes. I have regretted it every day since.”
She guessed her father did, too.
“You did what you felt was right, just like you told me to do,” Lucy said at last. “I will, too.”
“Lucy—”
“She can’t maintain this much longer,” Chirrut said suddenly, turning towards them. “She needs her rest, and so do I.”
Obi-Wan paused, then bowed. “Of course. Farewell, Lucy. I hope that we’ll meet again.”
“So do I,” she said, managing to conjure up a smile from somewhere.
“Goodbye, Master Jedi,” said Chirrut. “And goodbye, little Starkiller.”
-
Lucy didn’t remember any other dreams from that night. Perhaps she didn’t have any. But the interchange with Obi-Wan and Chirrut remained bright and clear.
Your father was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force.
He is more machine now than man—twisted and evil.
She rubbed her fists against her eyes, avoiding Ellex’s red stare.
Anakin was a good friend.
“Morning,” Lucy said, her voice rough. “Is Lord Vader back yet?”
“No,” said Ellex. Predictably, she offered no further information.
Lucy sighed. She supposed she’d better get ready for another fun-filled day of doing absolutely nothing. Maybe this was supposed to make turning to the Dark Side more appealing—it was at least something to do.
In the wardrobe, she managed to dredge up another tunic and set of trousers, these ones deep red (and, she suspected, made of velvet). There’d be no escaping notice even if she did somehow managed to slip past Ellex’s scrutiny. Not that that would happen.
She had just carried them into the fresher when the flash of red in the mirror caught her attention. Lucy couldn’t have said why, but she stopped to examine her reflection, anyway. She’d certainly looked better; she was pale, with shadows under her eyes, and a good portion of her hair had been pulled out of her braid in the night. She untied her hair-ribbon and started to braid her hair again, then stopped.
She always wore her hair in braids of some kind, ever since the day on the Falcon when Obi-Wan said that Jedi apprentices had them. It was a little thing, but it had mattered to her. Everything Obi-Wan said about the Jedi had.
They’d lied. Ben had lied, and Yoda had lied, and however they might justify themselves, she knew the real reason was that they meant her to kill her own father. It would be one thing if they presented her with full knowledge of the choice and pushed her in one direction or another. This was altogether different. She wouldn’t have known.
Once again, Lucy thought of her mother. What would she have wanted? Had she known what Anakin was, or what he’d become? Had Padmé loved him and been loved by him, or was it something different? Would she have joined her voice to the others pushing her daughter to patricide?
Maybe she’d never know.
Feeling almost as if she watched herself from a distance, Lucy dressed and shook out her hair. Then she tied it back, strode into the bedroom, and said,
“Am I allowed to go anywhere else?”
“That depends on the location,” said Ellex.
Lucy took a calming breath.
“The practice room?”
Ellex’s circuits gave a low hum. Then she said,
“Yes, that is permitted as of yesterday evening.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” demanded Lucy.
“You did not ask.”
Lucy reminded herself that Ellex was an upgraded super battle droid with several blasters on her and perfect willingness to use them. Gritting her teeth, she said,
“Fine. Let’s go.”
Ellex, with a total unconcern that would have put Vader to shame, unsealed the door and ordered her through. Two other, smaller droids stood on either side of the door, both armed with heavy blasters.
Okay, then.
“This way,” said Ellex, pointing.
“I know where it is,” Lucy replied.
Even so, she followed obediently enough, not willing to jeopardize her small amount of freedom. Remembering Ellex’s comments on her talkativeness, she stayed quiet half the time, her thoughts more than enough to occupy her. Despite the horror of her father’s identity, having one at all felt—well, strange. She’d always thought of herself as an orphan, and now it turned out that she’d never been one at all. When she imagined a glamorous pilot father as a child, he’d actually been up there.
Killing people, probably.
And what about the lightsaber he’d taken from her—his lightsaber? Ben said Anakin had wanted her to have it, which was obviously another lie, but … he’d said, too, that he tried to give it to her earlier, but Owen wouldn’t let him. Had Ben wanted her trained from childhood, like Anakin? What would have happened? Had Owen and Beru known what happened to his brother? Was that why Owen had forbidden Ben, or had he simply known Anakin as a dead hero, and feared the same for Lucy? How long had Anakin known about her, anyway? Had he thought of her as a valuable tool, or a possession, or what? And when she escaped and nearly died, what—
Her mind kept spinning faster and faster. Lucy forced herself out of the whirl and spoke without thinking.
“Doctor Izahay said that I could have died out there.”
“Do you require affirmation of that judgment?” said Ellex. “Yes, you were extremely foolish.”
Lucy took a deep breath. “She said that Lord Vader could have died, too. How come?”
Ellex clomped on, then said,
“That is not restricted information. Very well. He is a humanoid. The air is also toxic to him.”
“Right,” said Lucy, “but doesn’t his helmet have filters for that kind of thing?”
“No equipment is perfect,” said Ellex irritably. “It is not designed to protect him from everything, everywhere.”
“But didn’t he have a force field on?”
“No,” Ellex said. As they reached the practice room, she turned to Lucy, sensors flickering. “If you are quite done asking insignificant questions, we have arrived. Do you wish entry?”
“Yes,” said Lucy. She peered up at Ellex. “And—thank you.”
title: The Jedi and the Sith Lord (11/?)
verse: Lucy Skywalker: my f!Luke AU, following from The Adventures of Lucy Skywalker and The Imperial Menace
characters: Luke/Lucy Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker (in spirit, though not person); Chirrut Îmwe, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ellex (LX-3)
stuff that happens: Lucy has another chat with Chirrut and faces the truth—from a certain point of view.
previous sections: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Vader had not, it turned out, been joking about the restriction on Lucy’s movements. Not that Lucy thought he had, but she’d grown used to her comparative freedom. For the rest of that day, however, she was confined to her locked bedroom except for meal times, when Ellex marched her to the dining hall and loomed while she ate, before all but dragging her back.
Lucy knew the consequences of her escape could be worse, but that just made her think of why she’d been let off so lightly, which made her think of Vader insisting he was her father, which sent her thoughts spinning off into uncertainty and anger at all involved. She simmered all that day, and that pulled the Light Side out of her reach until she managed to scrape together some calm that night.
She drifted off to sleep under Ellex’s unrelenting sensors, and opened her eyes to the half-familiar city in the desert.
Oh.
Lucy made her way over to the oasis where the monk customarily sat, and sure enough, found him there.
“Hello again,” she said.
“Good evening,” said the monk, perfectly serene.
Lucy paused, then added, “I don’t know your name. Leia—Princess Leia of Alderaan—told me, but I can’t remember, sorry.”
“It’s Chirrut Îmwe,” he replied.
For no particular reason, she’d expected some resistance, or even a denial. She nodded.
“Chirrut. Okay. Did you call me?”
“No,” said Chirrut. “It’s a relief to encounter you alive and well, of course.”
She hopped up onto the rough bench beside him and pushed her loose hair back, anxiously running her hands through it before dropping them in her lap.
“Then it’s me doing it. Sorry, I just … I’m not sure I am well.”
Concern passed over his face. “Have you been harmed?”
“No,” she said, then thought about it. “I mean, I was, but I did it to myself—I snuck out of the fortress and got poisoned by the fumes. I’m fine now.”
“It sounds like a charming place,” said Chirrut.
She gave a startled laugh. “Oh, definitely.”
“How are you unwell, then?”
Lucy lowered her gaze to her hands, not knowing what she expected to find. Something in her not-quite-human blood, or … something.
“My Jedi teacher—Obi-Wan Kenobi—told me that Darth Vader murdered my father,” she said. “Vader says that he is my father and that Obi-Wan tried to burn him alive.”
His eyebrows rose. “Not quite the usual behaviour of a Jedi.”
She wasn’t sure if he meant Ben or Vader.
“I guess not,” said Lucy. “I just … I don’t know what to think, or who to trust.”
“What does the Force tell you?” said Chirrut.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “It’s all tangled up here. I feel like it’s true—I was pretty certain at first—but I don’t know if that’s the Force or wanting to believe it.” She frowned. “I mean, I don’t want to believe it. It’s just that it explains some things.”
He considered this.
“Were you close to your father?”
“I never knew him,” said Lucy. “My uncle and aunt said he died around the time I was born. But they talked about him as my real father, and everyone’s said I’m like him. I always wanted to believe it, and hear stories and—and—in a way, I guess I was close to him. Not like people whose parents are there, though.”
Her teeth dug into her bottom lip.
“Hm,” said Chirrut.
“And I admire him for what he did,” said Lucy. “I used to, anyway. He was born into slavery on Tatooine, but he got out and became a Jedi.”
She remembered asking, Are you kavashti?
And Vader had said, No.
It might not mean that he came from free folk. It might, horrifyingly, mean that he’d been a slave himself. But the idea seemed as impossible as the rest.
“Not to be morbid,” Chirrut said, “but do you know if there was there a body?”
She shook her head. “Nobody ever said.”
“Then it’s possible,” he said simply.
“If it’s true—” Her voice broke off. Her throat didn’t bother her here, but she had to clear it, anyway. “If it’s true, what should I do? I can’t just act like it means nothing! He said he wants to rule the galaxy with me!”
“Do you want to rule the galaxy?” said Chirrut, imperturbable as ever.
“No!” She bit her lip again. “But I do want to bring down the Emperor. I just don’t want to replace him with more of the same. Vader’s awful.”
“Not many people would disagree with you there,” he replied.
She hesitated. “He hasn’t been what I thought, though. I wouldn’t say kind, but—not cruel. Not to me.”
“You think you’re receiving special treatment?” said Chirrut.
Thinking of Tuvié, Lucy squeezed her eyes shut. “Yes. I just don’t know if it’s because he wants my help or because I really am his daughter. It’s hard to think of him as sentimental.”
“Very hard,” said Chirrut. “But I don’t exactly know him personally. I hardly know you. I can’t tell you what you should believe or do.”
Her stomach sank, but at the same time, she wasn’t really surprised. She nodded.
“What I can tell you,” he went on, “is that the Force is with you. Trust it. If your choices serve its purposes, it will carry you through anything.” Then he smiled. “So make sure they do.”
“But I don’t know what it’s saying,” she protested. “Everything is mixed up here. How can I make the right choices if I don’t understand what’s going on?”
He looked thoughtful. “I can’t help you with that. But perhaps—yes, I might find someone who could.”
“Like Captain Andor and Jyn Erso?” she said hopefully.
“No,” said Chirrut. “It took all our strength to bring them, and I doubt they’d be of much help in this situation. Remember their advice, though.”
“Be ready. And—” She swallowed. “And remember who I am.”
I don’t know who I am anymore.
“That’s right,” he said. “Now, rest. I think you’ll need it for tomorrow.”
“Is something going to happen?” asked Lucy.
But he was gone, and his city with him.
-
The next day passed very much as the first had, with added anticipation of what might occur. It seemed unlikely that it would actually occur in daytime, shut up in her bedroom, though Lucy constantly checked for some change or sign. Ellex seemed even more suspicious than usual, though she had yet to stun her. Thank the Force for small blessings, Lucy supposed.
The hours seemed to creep by, and she was so keyed-up by the time she crawled into bed that she couldn’t sleep. Tense and frustrated, she lay awake for a good two hours before she finally drifted off.
She woke—or rather, didn’t wake—to Chirrut’s city, and swiftly made her way along the usual path to his bench. As she approached, Lucy saw him standing with another man, one who had his back to her but appeared rather elderly.
“I couldn’t do it on my own,” Chirrut was saying. “Though, of course, neither could she.”
“Extraordinary,” the man said. “Quite extraordinary.”
Lucy knew that voice.
“Ben?”
The old man turned around—and sure enough, she saw the familiar face of Obi-Wan Kenobi. It looked particularly unreadable at the moment.
“Lucy, it’s good to see you.”
“I—” She held herself still, trying to make sense of it all, then took several steps forward. “I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I, wholly,” said Obi-Wan. “I’ve tried to reach you, but could only sense that you were surrounded by the Dark Side. We feared you were lost.”
Lost could mean a lot of things. But Lucy thought she had a pretty good idea of which one he meant.
“I’m surrounded by the Dark Side because Darth Vader captured me and locked me up in his castle,” she said indignantly. “I haven’t turned—I wouldn’t.”
At that, his stiff shoulders relaxed. Dead though he might be, he exhaled.
“Good. That is … an inexpressible relief, Lucy.”
She could only nod, unsure what to say with so many fears and questions whirling around her brain, and Chirrut sitting idly by.
“I hope you have not suffered too much,” Obi-Wan added.
“Not much at all,” said Lucy. She thought of her days of blindness, and almost suffocating on toxic fumes. “I mean, it could be worse.”
“Vader can always get worse,” he said grimly. “I won’t ask what he’s done to you, but be very careful.”
“He hasn’t done anything, hardly,” she replied. “Except—”
Obi-Wan looked at her inquiringly, managing to exude sympathy despite his neutral expression. Unable to think of any other approach, she steeled herself.
“Except,” Lucy said, “he told me he’s my father.”
His eyes went wide, the neutrality replaced by shock—enough shock that she could almost think her hopes didn’t mislead her. But every instinct warned her against it.
“Is it true?” she demanded. “Is Darth Vader my father?”
As quickly as it had come, Obi-Wan’s shock faded. He walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and looking down at her in his quietly kind way.
“This is unexpected,” he said, and sighed. “I’m afraid that he is, in a sense.”
In a sense?
“You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father!” cried Lucy.
Even in the dream realm, or whatever it was, Obi-Wan managed to look older.
“Your father was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force,” he told her. “He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true, from a certain point of view.”
Chirrut, who had withdrawn into unobtrusive observation through all this, said, “Hmm.”
“A certain point of view?” Lucy said incredulously.
“Lucy,” said Obi-Wan, “you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”
He could wrap it in whatever fine words he liked. He’d lied. It really was Vader who’d told her the truth. Lucy shrugged off his hand and turned away, her fingers curling.
Then Obi-Wan said,
“I don’t blame you for being angry. Anakin was a good friend.”
She faced him again, struggling for some sort of composure. He could tell her the real story—but it might just be more lies. How would she know?
Dità juradiiyad echoed in her mind.
“When I first knew him,” said Obi-Wan, “your father was already a great pilot, but I was amazed at how strongly the Force was with him. I took it upon myself to train him as a Jedi.” He shook his head. “I thought that I could instruct him just as well as Yoda. I was wrong.”
Her feelings had been right. She shouldn’t have convinced herself to doubt them. Now, she knew she had to follow where they led her.
“I don’t understand him,” Lucy admitted. “There’s … I don’t know. Something that doesn’t fit.”
“He’s more machine now than man,” said Obi-Wan somberly. “Twisted and evil.”
He meant something by that, she thought. More than he was saying.
“I don’t know,” she said again.
Out of nowhere, apparently, Obi-Wan asked, “How often do you face him?”
“Everyday, when he’s here,” said Lucy, startled. “He always sends for me and talks about turning to the Dark Side. I was scared at first, but it’s mostly just boring now.”
“Your opportunity will come,” Obi-Wan told her.
It could have meant any number of things. But with that, it all became clear. She went cold.
“I can’t do it, Ben,” she said.
“You cannot escape your destiny,” said Obi-Wan.
She was really tired of hearing that.
“I can’t kill my own father!” she insisted.
Obi-Wan shook his head. “Then the Emperor has already won.”
Vader said the same thing when he talked about turning to the Dark Side. She hadn’t abandoned what she believed when he did it, and she wouldn’t when Obi-Wan did, either.
She pressed her lips together, and said, “That’s not all he said. He told me that you left him to burn alive. Is that true?”
“He may have left out some details,” said Obi-Wan. “We fought a duel on Mustafar after he’d slaughtered dozens. I defeated him and he fell into the lava. Then—you have to understand, Lucy, that he was only a child when I took on his care. I thought of him as a younger brother at the time and afterwards, as I saw him growing into a fine Jedi. Even when he turned to evil, I couldn’t bring myself to kill him.”
“So you left him there,” she said.
He closed his eyes, then opened them again and met hers directly. “Yes. I have regretted it every day since.”
She guessed her father did, too.
“You did what you felt was right, just like you told me to do,” Lucy said at last. “I will, too.”
“Lucy—”
“She can’t maintain this much longer,” Chirrut said suddenly, turning towards them. “She needs her rest, and so do I.”
Obi-Wan paused, then bowed. “Of course. Farewell, Lucy. I hope that we’ll meet again.”
“So do I,” she said, managing to conjure up a smile from somewhere.
“Goodbye, Master Jedi,” said Chirrut. “And goodbye, little Starkiller.”
-
Lucy didn’t remember any other dreams from that night. Perhaps she didn’t have any. But the interchange with Obi-Wan and Chirrut remained bright and clear.
Your father was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force.
He is more machine now than man—twisted and evil.
She rubbed her fists against her eyes, avoiding Ellex’s red stare.
Anakin was a good friend.
“Morning,” Lucy said, her voice rough. “Is Lord Vader back yet?”
“No,” said Ellex. Predictably, she offered no further information.
Lucy sighed. She supposed she’d better get ready for another fun-filled day of doing absolutely nothing. Maybe this was supposed to make turning to the Dark Side more appealing—it was at least something to do.
In the wardrobe, she managed to dredge up another tunic and set of trousers, these ones deep red (and, she suspected, made of velvet). There’d be no escaping notice even if she did somehow managed to slip past Ellex’s scrutiny. Not that that would happen.
She had just carried them into the fresher when the flash of red in the mirror caught her attention. Lucy couldn’t have said why, but she stopped to examine her reflection, anyway. She’d certainly looked better; she was pale, with shadows under her eyes, and a good portion of her hair had been pulled out of her braid in the night. She untied her hair-ribbon and started to braid her hair again, then stopped.
She always wore her hair in braids of some kind, ever since the day on the Falcon when Obi-Wan said that Jedi apprentices had them. It was a little thing, but it had mattered to her. Everything Obi-Wan said about the Jedi had.
They’d lied. Ben had lied, and Yoda had lied, and however they might justify themselves, she knew the real reason was that they meant her to kill her own father. It would be one thing if they presented her with full knowledge of the choice and pushed her in one direction or another. This was altogether different. She wouldn’t have known.
Once again, Lucy thought of her mother. What would she have wanted? Had she known what Anakin was, or what he’d become? Had Padmé loved him and been loved by him, or was it something different? Would she have joined her voice to the others pushing her daughter to patricide?
Maybe she’d never know.
Feeling almost as if she watched herself from a distance, Lucy dressed and shook out her hair. Then she tied it back, strode into the bedroom, and said,
“Am I allowed to go anywhere else?”
“That depends on the location,” said Ellex.
Lucy took a calming breath.
“The practice room?”
Ellex’s circuits gave a low hum. Then she said,
“Yes, that is permitted as of yesterday evening.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” demanded Lucy.
“You did not ask.”
Lucy reminded herself that Ellex was an upgraded super battle droid with several blasters on her and perfect willingness to use them. Gritting her teeth, she said,
“Fine. Let’s go.”
Ellex, with a total unconcern that would have put Vader to shame, unsealed the door and ordered her through. Two other, smaller droids stood on either side of the door, both armed with heavy blasters.
Okay, then.
“This way,” said Ellex, pointing.
“I know where it is,” Lucy replied.
Even so, she followed obediently enough, not willing to jeopardize her small amount of freedom. Remembering Ellex’s comments on her talkativeness, she stayed quiet half the time, her thoughts more than enough to occupy her. Despite the horror of her father’s identity, having one at all felt—well, strange. She’d always thought of herself as an orphan, and now it turned out that she’d never been one at all. When she imagined a glamorous pilot father as a child, he’d actually been up there.
Killing people, probably.
And what about the lightsaber he’d taken from her—his lightsaber? Ben said Anakin had wanted her to have it, which was obviously another lie, but … he’d said, too, that he tried to give it to her earlier, but Owen wouldn’t let him. Had Ben wanted her trained from childhood, like Anakin? What would have happened? Had Owen and Beru known what happened to his brother? Was that why Owen had forbidden Ben, or had he simply known Anakin as a dead hero, and feared the same for Lucy? How long had Anakin known about her, anyway? Had he thought of her as a valuable tool, or a possession, or what? And when she escaped and nearly died, what—
Her mind kept spinning faster and faster. Lucy forced herself out of the whirl and spoke without thinking.
“Doctor Izahay said that I could have died out there.”
“Do you require affirmation of that judgment?” said Ellex. “Yes, you were extremely foolish.”
Lucy took a deep breath. “She said that Lord Vader could have died, too. How come?”
Ellex clomped on, then said,
“That is not restricted information. Very well. He is a humanoid. The air is also toxic to him.”
“Right,” said Lucy, “but doesn’t his helmet have filters for that kind of thing?”
“No equipment is perfect,” said Ellex irritably. “It is not designed to protect him from everything, everywhere.”
“But didn’t he have a force field on?”
“No,” Ellex said. As they reached the practice room, she turned to Lucy, sensors flickering. “If you are quite done asking insignificant questions, we have arrived. Do you wish entry?”
“Yes,” said Lucy. She peered up at Ellex. “And—thank you.”
