Anghraine

YES YES YES to your first paragraph. So much this.

(This is my biggest problem with most of the Vader-raises-Luke-and/or-Leia stories -- not that he's too cuddly for Vader, but that he's Vader at all.

HEEEEEEE!!! I like this!!! Though I can see him being Vader-y because of a combination of the dismemberment-and-chronic-pain issues and a need to be badass enough to protect his offspring. But definitely a more... human... creature for it. Even if he has to hide that humanity from Palpatine at least long enough to become capable of killing him.

Also, ditto, ditto, and ditto on your third paragraph. Cannot put it better myself.

(I suspect this is one of the bones of contention that Luke and Leia scream over once in awhile, because he can regard what happened as simple kidnapping without bringing his own well-meaning guardians into it, but she can't and it becomes part of her tangles mass of parental issues.)

That's really interesting! I think I can see that, in that Luke was the one who got a Jedi for a secondary guardian and got the Skywalker connection. Whereas Bail took Leia away from that whole aspect of everything. And on the one hand I think she got an upbringing that fostered more of her talent development than Luke's did, but it was a very specific set of talents (basically being raised to be Padme Jr. and let's all change the subject if your sperm donor comes up), whereas Luke got the name but Owen seems to have avoided any references to either of Luke's parents--- his mother doesn't seem to be on his radar at all and his father is a mostly-forbidden subject.

And I think Luke could forgive mainly because he feels closer to Yoda and Obi-wan than Leia does, so he's more willing to accept their right to have a say in his life, even though that experience of them is retroactive?