Tumblr crosspost (14 January 2021)

When I complain vaguely about a thing, it’s because I’m bothered by it, but don’t want to go after specific people. It is not because people don’t actually do the thing!

Tagged: #'do people actually do that?' ah yes clearly i'm annoyed by a thing that doesn't exist #OF COURSE people actually do that #it's why i'm talking about it! #gah #i know it's often rhetorical but it is incredibly annoying

Tumblr crosspost (14 January 2021)

I have really complicated feelings about being autistic and bipolar, but my feelings are NOT complicated about anxiety. It’s awful and I hate it and would do a lot to make it go away but nothing works!! So I just live in dread of about ten million different things all the time.

Meanwhile, my psychiatrist is like “I’m concerned about you oversleeping” when literally everyone has thought it’s a sort of anxiety burnout that causes the oversleeping anyway, but she wants to run tests that I’ve already had many times before, and has apparently no interest in dealing with the anxiety and AGHHHHH

Tagged: #things i'm regularly anxious about: #checking my email. bugs getting on my skin. showers. car accidents. falling down stairs. choking on food. #starting things in general #eye contact #anger #also when i was like 'i think i'm having a hypomanic episode' she was sure i was just stressed #and oversleeping #a week later: all is futile and hopeless. why bother with anything. i'm profoundly mediocre and will never succeed at anything #now i've sort of evened out but i KNEW i was cycling and she wouldn't listen >:(

Tumblr crosspost (14 January 2021)

heckofabecca responded to this post:

SOUNDS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR A NEW PSYCHIATRIST

I replied:

She was assigned by student health, so not an option, unfortunately!

heckofabecca responded:

ugh, gross! well if you want help with scripting stuff to get her to address what you want to address (you're paying her!!! she is YOUR provider, not the other way around!) i'm happy to help!!!!

as someone who also has anxiety, seriously, i really want to help you if I can, you deserve care that treats your concerns as important!!!

I replied:

thank you <3

tree said:

having a dismissive psychiatrist is the worst. if you try and advocate for your own care you're labelled difficult or non-compliant or, once, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. *empathetic fistbump of solidarity*

xn3city said:

SO frustrating. Sympathy

Backing away from Tumblr has its upsides!

Namely, the main upside is that I've forbidden myself from reblogging these kinds of nakedly manipulative and desperate attempts to turn anti-kink fandom morality policing into progressive praxis:



I've seen some people pushing back against the idea that the anti-kink fandom morality police's vapors over anything but the most vanilla sexuality could possibly be puritanical, and it's always this kind of tortured, manipulative argument that seems incredibly transparent but somehow ends up getting uncritically reblogged. This particular one is so wrong from every angle that I wouldn't even know where to start. But since I'm not letting myself get into those kinds of arguments on Tumblr, I don't have to start. #blessed

Tumblr crosspost (14 January 2021)

I checked and sent an email and, amazingly, survived.

Tagged: #my chest feels like THIS IS HOW WE DIE but at least i did it #anghraine babbles #nah #anghraine whines

tree responded:

👍🏼

I replied:

Thank you!!

Tumblr crosspost (14 January 2021)

An anon said:

I don’t have a dog in this fight but I am absolutely fascinated at the evidence that academia has these kind of hot takes about P&P. Not that having a PhD makes one infallible, but I kinda expected people who were taught to think critically about literature and have certainly read more literature than I have have these kind of wrong analyses.

I responded:

It’s really odd.

I think part of it is the culture of academic literary studies that heavily prioritizes theory and thus selects for people who are deeply grounded in theory, which can lead to perceptive and valuable insights into texts, but can also create a square peg/round hole problem. I think a lot of academics get so attached to their pet theories that they apply them to literally everything without considering whether they’re the most appropriate or relevant lens for a given situation or text.

Moreover, readings of texts frequently become vehicles for application of the pet theory more than … well, readings that really attend to the details of the text (sometimes very basic details). I think that’s also part of the reason that you get the problem that my fave Richard Strier talks about in Resistant Structures; a lot of critics spend so much time digging beyond the obvious that they disregard what is plainly stated and can’t seem to countenance the concept of authors actually meaning what they say.

It’s not that sensitivity to subversion and the like, and application of theoretical paradigms aren’t ever appropriate! Some texts really benefit from them. But (twist!) critics can be kind of uncritical in their approach to and application of their preferred theories and information.

Tagged: #i got seriously into fandom bc i was so frustrated with academia so i have my bias #but i do think texts as vehicles rather than primary subjects of study leads to a lot of this #it's led to really important insights too but can go astray #if not handled with care #(fandom also has its frustrations that sometimes overlap #but also often don't #it's just... academia has its problems)

Tumblr crosspost (15 January 2021)

I meant to start the stuff I have to do today (AGHHH HAVE TO CHECK MY EMAIL AGAIN) at noon, while getting a scene together on my story in the morning … but by the time I looked up from the story, it was 1:30. Oops?

Tagged: #my best friend is like 'why are you even doing this when you clearly want to be a writer' #me: well once upon a time i figured i'd need a day job. though that's laughable at this point #but it's not like i'm just going to quit my fully funded phd in my fourth year bc the job market is bad #i just #kind of hate everything rn #except the One True Love of fiction writing #bleh

Tumblr crosspost (15 January 2021)

unnamedelement responded to this post:

ugh this happened to me all last week and now I am hugely behind on other things in my also fully-funded phd program, and I am constantly asking myself "should i just be a broke writer instead of a broke student, how bad can it be\" lmao. Good luck!

I replied:

Haha, that sounds pretty much exactly the same! Good luck to you too.