Tumblr crosspost (23 February 2021)

[anghraine]

Mental health complaining:

One of the things about having bipolar II + autism + generalized anxiety is that … sometimes, it feels like it shouldn’t be a big deal, and maybe is hardly even a thing (or things, rather). There are people with actual mania and/or major problems with “functioning” and/or full-on panic attacks, so making a fuss is just ignoring the people who have real problems. (It doesn’t really help that there’s a lot of rhetoric around them that says pretty much exactly that, especially with regard to autism.)

But also, sometimes the bipolar-autistic-anxious stew is so overpowering and disruptive that when people go on about how it’s all quite mild, really, not even disabilities as such, it sounds about as batshit as what’s going on in my head.

So, on the one hand: I have the milder forms of everything, am not truly disabled, am probably taking attention from people with Real Problems, and should be much more able to cope and do normal person things.

On the other hand: I have a stack of mutually reinforcing disorders, large dosages, a history of mental breakdowns + there are a lot of Normal People Things I simply can’t do or can only do to a very limited extent. I am a literally crazy person.

End result: I feel even crazier than I was already!

Tagged: #my psychiatrist pointed out that it's already taking more than the usual max dosages to keep me stable #(in an unrelated conversation) #and yet part of me is thinking... do i have real problems??? #obviously i don't /really/ think that but it is a daily tug-of-war in my head #between 'wtf? i'm bipolar AND autistic AND severely anxious of course i have real problems' #and '...but other people have it worse so i should really be more competent than i am...' #meh #anyway i cherish a special resentment against people who act like hypomania is just funtimes and sparkles #+ ones who say this kind of autism is just being awkward and intense about hobbies #ughhhhh

Comments

[dragoness_e]

As you probably already know, there's a problem with chronic physical ailments in that when one has them well-managed with medication, there are people who decide "well, I'm all better now/it's not that bad and I don't have a problem and don't need this medication". High blood pressure sufferers are notorious for this. Of course, when they go off the meds, disaster ensues.

I'm not surprised that chronic mental ailments can have the same problem. I have heard of people on depression meds doing the same--and depression is a nasty mindfuck for making you think your problems and your life don't matter/aren't important.

Sounds like your meds were at least working to some degree. Did you get over the 'imposter syndrome'/'I don't really have a problem' issue since then?

[anghraine]

It comes and goes, honestly. People are often very eager to dismiss mental health problems that don't affect them personally, so it takes a certain amount of fortitude to brush that off that kind of dismissal. It's a bit better since I received some formal diagnoses, though!