anghraine: leia hugging luke at the end of esb (luke and leia [hugs!])
I talked on Tumblr awhile ago about how important my Internet friendships have been to me, especially the long-standing ones. I met a lot of my closest online friends either on LiveJournal, Dreamwidth, or Tumblr, and quite a few at least have Dreamwidth accounts + Dreamwidth has played some role in our friendship. And I was trying to remember who I met when, in what context, and was like ... I could just skim my archive page and look, and figured it'd be fun to shout-out a few people! The list is not exhaustive, just a list of when I first met some people as clearly as I could tell.

For context: I was an early Dreamwidth adopter. Before Dreamwidth, I had been deeply entrenched in LJ fandom, and definitely preferred (and still prefer!) a LJ-like platform to things like Tumblr or Twitter. But, like many people, I had a lot of gripes with LJ itself. The idea of "LJ but with ethics, no Strikethrough threat, and no ads ever" sounded really appealing. A number of my LJ friends felt the same way, and I received my invite for the beta version of DW from my friend[personal profile] hl. So I've been here for a long time. According to Wikipedia, Dreamwidth went into beta on April 30, 2009, and left it in 2011. Meanwhile, I made my account on July 7th, 2009, and my first post here was on July 19th of that year.

So!

When I first made my blog in 2009, I mainly talked with[personal profile] hl and[personal profile] tree, whom I already knew from LJ and general Austen fandom circles, and with[personal profile] tulina, whom I met through our ff.net mutual admiration society.

I met a brand new Austen friend here on Dreamwidth, though:[personal profile] sixbeforelunch! For some reason, I thought we'd originally encountered each other later, but no, six has been here for the long haul.

The next year, I made two more friends primarily (as I recall) through Dreamwidth: [personal profile] catie56 and[personal profile] biichan!

I was burning out on the forum-based Austen fandom circles around this time and very consciously selected a fandom that a) I could really sink my teeth into and b) was at least largely upfront about their drama: Star Wars. I originally crossposted a lot of SW fandom stuff from LJ but my activity was increasingly rooted in DW.

Meanwhile, 2011 was a truly hellish year for ace discourse on Tumblr. I was starting to dip my toes into Tumblr at the time, so I was angry and upset about a lot over there. But it was an incredibly good year on Dreamwidth! I stumbled over [personal profile] lotesse's SW fic early in the year and we ended up talking about both SW and other common fandoms and became longtime friends. In September, [personal profile] sathari joined the ongoing Star Wars party and really got what I was trying to do with my fic at the time, and we became friends too. And in November of 2011, I stumbled over [personal profile] sqbr's Austen art, got really excited about it, and as a result, we became good friends across a pretty wide variety of fandoms + fandom as a whole [ETA: actually, [personal profile] sqbr has reminded me that we first encountered each other prior to DW through common fandom friends, and re-reading the 2011 post, I clearly knew who they were, though we didn't directly interact over here until then; 2011 marked a really positive change in a number of my fandom relationships and that was one of the most significant].

I don't recall the exact context, but [personal profile] primeideal and [personal profile] beatrice_otter seem to have found me about 2012, and we're still having intriguing conversations now about different fandoms and original fiction! I already knew [personal profile] wyncatastrophe from LJ, and while we mostly talked via email and FB, some of our conversations started happening via Dreamwidth discussions and communities this year. This indirectly led to me writing a paper on Tolkien for a conference she was involved in (it wasn't a paper that already existed but actually written for that specific conference, and she helped guide me in the ins and outs of the submission process etc), which is the same paper that got me into grad school.

Speaking of ace discourse, I banded together with [personal profile] kaz later in that year, and found that we had even more in common than nuclear rage and sharing a birthday.

My DW social circle doesn't seem to have changed much for a few years after that, in part because I was mainly active on Tumblr and most of my friends were there as well. But I've always personally preferred DW and got somewhat back into the swing of things over here around 2015. I was super into The Borgias at the time (this would, in turn, get me into my PhD program!), which is what led to [personal profile] elperian following me on Tumblr and sticking around for Austen stuff and our very important Rogue One bonding (a tragic but blessed event!!!). I encountered [personal profile] sally_maria in a context I no longer recall, but it was definitely 2015, and was always glad for it. This also seems to be when I started chatting with [personal profile] lizbee on Tumblr and DW—first over Avatar, then SW, then basically anything we had in common.

Another fortuitous DW year was 2016 (otherwise not a great year for obvious US politics reasons, though I did get my MA). I think that [personal profile] brightlady_lise, [personal profile] slashmarks, and [personal profile] zero_pixel_count were all people I knew first from Tumblr, but ultimately talked more with over here.

2017 was pretty quiet in some ways, but [personal profile] elperian and I really started talking frequently over here around then! Then Tumblr made one of their patented terrible decisions in 2018 (the porn ban, maybe?) and I connected with a whole bunch of friends from Tumblr: [personal profile] meneltarma, [personal profile] rosaxx50, [personal profile] kungfunurse, [personal profile] chestnut_pod, [personal profile] stultiloquentia, [personal profile] shadaras, [personal profile] mosylu, [personal profile] incognitajones, and [personal profile] ncfan. All fantastic people from a fairly wide array of fandoms!

And in 2019, my friend [personal profile] rhodanum from Tumblr—we'd been on the same side of both ace discourse and villain discourse—relocated over here! A better place for both of us, to be sure.

Thanks to you all <3
anghraine: artist's rendition of faramir; text: i would not take this thing if it lay by the highway (faramir)
I talked a few days ago, under f-lock, about some painful RL experiences around being perceived as deeply boring and incapable of feeling pain (or feeling most emotions, really). And I wanted to make an addendum to that, one that I don’t think really needs the f-lock.

I’ve made many complaints about various fandoms + multifandom spaces and trends over the years, and I still consider most of those complaints valid. Nevertheless, fandom has typically been a much less bleak environment for me.

If someone in fandom finds me boring, they usually do not tell me so, or treat me in a way that makes this apparent. They simply don’t interact with me. And people who do follow me or interact with me don’t do it because of my family’s involvement, or because I’m a package deal with more interesting/attractive/charismatic friends, or because of some other figure in my meatspace life at all. In fandom, none of that matters. At least, it hasn't for me.

Even the followers who don’t particularly care about me as a person are following me for my own sake in some capacity, rather than for the sake of someone else. Sure, some of these will leave if I get super into something they find dull, or stop posting or whatnot, but their interest in my opinions about the thing they’re into is still about my opinions of that thing, or how I express my opinions, or something about my online persona.

And there are also people who don’t share my preoccupation with a current fixation, or don’t find my take on it interesting, and are thus kind of bored, but they like me personally enough to stick around, anyway. This doesn’t usually trigger my “oh no I’m being boring” issues, because if they’re invested enough to stay, despite disinterest in my current thing, they’re evidently still engaged at some level with me.

Beyond that, people in fandom don’t typically lecture me on my general demeanor. It’s happened, but not often. In fact, while fellow fans sometimes express respect for my—let’s say, often rather severe manner of presenting myself and my opinions, they don’t generally act like it is required of me to be that way or that it somehow precludes a capacity to feel. We’re all in fandom because we feel things!

And that’s been very powerful for me. I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic until I was well into my 20s, while I’ve been directly or indirectly excluded or distanced from many RL social circles ever since I was a child. I’ve certainly been treated as if I and the things I care about are objectively dull and emotionally unengaging.

But throughout my entire adult life, there has always been one glaring exception to this. There really was a social sphere in which my experience of others and of myself could be different. There was fandom.

For all of online fandom’s many, many flaws, this has been part of my experience of it from even before I was an adult—in fact, from the time that I made my first post. At the time, I was extremely shy and anxious, so I lurked a lot, and was very worried about breaking some rule somewhere if I actually said anything on the big scary Internet. But I had feelings. I was in high school and I had such feelings.

Many of these were Pride and Prejudice feelings. In high school, I started collecting copies of P&P just so I could read the introductions/editorial content and see what other people thought about it, since nobody I knew IRL cared about it the way I did. This was both my first step into academia proper and a sort of proto-fannish activity. But my Austen feelings were not actually the ones that propelled me into breaking my self-imposed Internet silence and detachment from online communities. A lot of Austen fandom didn’t really seem like my people. I was also into Harry Potter, but HP fandom similarly did not seem like my people.

Actually, speaking of boring other people, I’m going to be really self-indulgent and rewind even further for THE FULL SAGA of what brought me into fandom.

Read more... )
anghraine: padmé seeming taken aback; text: i have never heard of such a brutal & shocking injustice that i cared so little about (padmé [doesn't give a shit])
I'm cleaning up old tags because I'm finally running up against the max even for an upgraded account. And there was a period around 2012 when I'd started using tags on livejournal/Dreamwidth in a Tumblresque running-commentary-under-my-breath way even though 1) they don't work as well on LJ/DW in that way, because they're automatically alphabetized and 2) I wasn't likely to reuse those specific tags, so it's ultimately kind of a waste.

At the same time, I (obviously) prefer to preserve old posts and such as a kind of record of what I was doing and thinking and saying at the time (really putting the "journal" in livejournal!), so I haven't wanted to delete these Tumblr-style tags. They were part of what I was doing back then!

This is especially glaring for an admittedly very wanky series of posts I put together. For context, the liberal-leaning Star Wars blog fangirlblog had recently posted defenses of slave Leia and Padmé Amidala from an allegedly feminist perspective that were making the rounds at the time. I found both takes ... objectionable. It was difficult enough to put together a coherent response that I ended up simply recording myself reading it and responding in real time, and then transcribed that recording into text, ultimately spread across nine different posts. It's very 2012 in a lot of ways—including my much more overt hostility towards the prequels and the OP's extremely binary concept of gender—but also, I do still think the defenses of slave Leia (and even of Padmé in some ways) are short-sighted at best and deeply rooted in fucked-up concepts of gender at worst. In any case, I decided to preserve my tags before deleting them as organizational tags by making a new post (this one!) with the old tags listed.

Part 1: Intro (touches on gender, representation, diversity, marginalization of women in the OT and PT, and over-reliance on "Watsonian" or in-world explanations for choices made by overwhelmingly male creators in constructing narratives). Tagged: #ahoy false catch-22 #feminism marches on #i try to be fair but i hate the prequels #strong female characters

Part 2: Slave Leia and constructed narratives. Tagged: #fanservice for great justice #reading comprehension failure #rotj makes me cry inside #stories don't come from shangri-la #strong female characters

Read more... )
anghraine: vader extending his lightsaber; text: and now for the airing of grievances! (Default)
I’ve been thinking back on the Fandom Experience, and was remembering the opposite of the vanity searching—some of the odder experiences of being told things directly:
  • I got a comment on a fic asking if leaving it unfinished made me feel desired.
  • I got a comment on a different fic telling me that they knew I wasn’t writing for the ’95 mini-series and that I dislike it, but that they always pictured my Darcy as Colin Firth anyway. Darcy is a) blue-eyed and b) a woman in that fic.
  • I got anonymous hate because I headcanon Luke Skywalker as asexual.
  • A troll apologized for missing my birthday.
  • A random person informed me that my fic was Wrong and Darcy’s mother wouldn’t be Lady Anne but Mrs Darcy, and his uncle should be Lord Matlock. [ETA 3/13/2024: Lady Anne being called "Mrs Darcy" and her brother being "Lord Matlock" are both from the ’95 mini-series and not in the novel; the first seems to be a mistake and the last an invention.]
  • Someone on AO3 told me that my fic was great, and also, it was shitty of me not to respond to comments.
  • Someone told me they had been sent by an anonymous group of haters who wanted me to tag my Silmarillion posts so they didn’t have to see them. (I already was tagging them.)
  • Someone told me that calling The Horse and His Boy racist made me the racist one, actually.
None of these were the end of the world, and my general experience of fandom has been mainly positive, but sometimes it is … really strange.
anghraine: david rintoul as darcy in the 1980 p&p in a red coat (darcy (1980))
So I was trying to go to sleep the other night and decided to vanity search myself at an Austen site I used to frequent (not sure why I thought this would help). But it was weirdly entertaining. Things that turned up:
  • someone annoyed five years ago that I had stopped updating a fic (and the previous version of the fic, at that). I still haven’t updated it.
  • someone who really liked my grey-ace!Darcy fic and someone else who thought it “implausible” even if he were ace
  • someone who thought I’m no longer around because I stopped updating my livejournal
  • someone who thought I’d written an epic about my NOTP; I’d seen this one before, but not the response explaining that I didn’t write it, but am friends with the author (I do not know the author)
  • someone thanking me by name (well, username) for a minor anonymous criticism I had made many years before
  • someone I’ve always liked and admired complimenting my old headcanons :)
anghraine: vader extending his lightsaber; text: and now for the airing of grievances! (Default)
I’m reading old Skywalker fics on lj and … creepy overlords aside, lj is so screwed up. Yikes.

#all hail dreamwidth and its commitment to continuity! #and NO ADS #yikes #but the fics are still good :)
anghraine: vader extending his lightsaber; text: and now for the airing of grievances! (anakin [grievances])
One of the problems with following SF/F Twitter, aside from the general trash fire it can be, is that I'm continually reminded of the success of Certain People who were breathtakingly bigoted on LJ. I don't keep up enough to know if they ever apologized (or acknowledged) their shit, but just ... getting a pass from people who rush to denounce much more minor or nonexistent past wrongs grates constantly.
anghraine: vader extending his lightsaber; text: and now for the airing of grievances! (muse)
Livejournal statistics, that is.

Once upon a time, I cherished the happy (?) delusion that my blogs were so obscure that only the handful of people on my f-list would ever read them.  If I didn't get any comments, I assumed nobody was reading them.  I didn't mind, since I write as much as to work through my own thoughts as to have conversations about shared interests, though the latter is always usually enjoyable.

Then I noticed that I'd occasionally get comments from perfect strangers.  Not necessarily anonymice, either (though I've had a few of those -- in one particularly winning case, a self-appointed Official Jane Austen Troll Descendant) -- just other lj people I didn't know.  I figured I popped up on searches and left it at that.

Then "My Guests" came along.  Read more... )

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anghraine: vader extending his lightsaber; text: and now for the airing of grievances! (Default)
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