Tumblr crosspost (18 February 2021)

An anon asked:

Hi there, Elizabeth, I loved your post about the height calculations. I remember reading that Tolkien once described Éowyn as "a stern Amazon woman". Just how tall is 'Amazonian woman' height in your eyes?

I replied:

Heh, thanks! I’ve talked about it enough times that I’m not 100% sure which one you’re talking about (but they’re all pretty much the same, anyway).

If I’m not mistaken, Tolkien used “Amazon” to mean a woman who is a warrior by vocation on multiple occasions. IIRC he describes Haleth’s female bodyguard as Amazons, referring to their identity as female warriors rather than their physical size. There’s a letter where he says that Éowyn is not really an Amazon, but rather, capable of great heroism in a crisis like many brave women. So again, he uses the term in reference to inclination rather than size.

Personally, I tend to go back to LOTR and UT for Éowyn’s height: she’s described as tall on multiple occasions, but is also shorter than the Riders in general, who are typically shorter than Gondorians, and Faramir has to stoop down to kiss her forehead. I imagine that she’s about 5′9″, though some variation in either direction is possible.

Tumblr crosspost (19 February 2021)

There’s a lot I hate about the wank discussion around “early modern authors wrote fanfic, too!!!” But people using the most renowned early modern writers and the worst of fanfic as equally representative for their pearl-clutching screeds is such a dishonest maneuver. Ugh.

(There is a discussion to be had about extending “fanfic” beyond 20th/21st century fan culture, but that sure as hell isn’t it.)

Tagged: #a) plenty of early modern literature was bad and using only the most ~elite for purposes of comparison is actively dishonest #b) the sneering almost never defines what fanfic even is or why highly derivative early modern fiction is different

[ETA 5/14/2024: heh, the tags are basically a primordial version of this longer and more detailed post I finally broke down and made less than a month ago.]

Tumblr crosspost (21 February 2021)

I don’t really regret getting my MA in English, but I never expected the number of people who think it means I’m available to edit their manuscripts.

Tagged: #you're getting a phd in english? awesome! could you fix my book? #me (getting a phd in early modern and eighteenth century british lit) uhhhh #in fairness i've done creative writing concentrations at every opportunity—but neither of my degrees are in it! #idk

Tumblr crosspost (21 February 2021)

The biggest problem with working on the same projects for so long is that when I hear “it’s okay if people don’t like it, you can always write something new,” I’m just … uhhh, no?

Ordinarily, I work on my pet projects over 5-10 years. Sometimes I don’t care if people like them, to be sure. But sometimes I do! And just shrugging off the response to something I’ve dedicated a substantial chunk of my life to—whether it’s fanfic or original—is just, nope.

Tagged: #and the longer it takes to finish things (always pretty damn long) the more i feel like this #sure i have other stories in me #but each one matters and the decade plus ones PARTICULARLY matter #so nah i'm just going to angst over the ones whose reception i care about #(though thinking about it ... my most popular fic ever is one whose reception i didn't really care that much about #which feels like a lesson i should learn or some kind of personal challenge or something but NAH. CHALLENGE REJECTED)

Tumblr crosspost (22 February 2021)

I reblogged this kind of hilarious map of the USA by a truck driver who's driven through most of it.

Tagged: #lmaoooo #the pnw's west side does have dry stretches but during a pretty narrow segment of the year #so i'll give him that one ;)

Tumblr crosspost (22 February 2021)

She-Ra meets rambling (very rambling) personal/family angst:

So, I’ve mentioned that She-Ra was one of my first fandoms, for a loose value of “fandom.” I was too young for the original show itself (it came out a year before I was born), but my aunt wasn’t, and she gave me all her She-Ra books and figurines, which were the only superhero-ish things I ever loved. And I loved them with my entire five-year-old soul!

In fact, I loved them for several years afterwards, and only reluctantly surrendered the books/figurines when my aunt asked if I still had them. I wasn’t really ever a “now I’m Mature and the things I used to like are Cringy and Bad” person, so I retained a strong affection even when I was older and enjoying more advanced things.

As did my aunt, who is only five and a half years older than I am. She was like my cool older sister for a long time, even though we were very different people, and I vaguely associated this relationship with She-Ra in my head. Regardless, we played together, we shared clothes and toys, she taught me how to ride horses, etc, until we drifted apart.

That happened partly because five years was actually vast at certain ages, partly because my parents moved, but mostly because of our enormous differences in personality and interests. Still, I continued to think of her as Cool Big Sis until various things happened that led to her becoming much more insular and conservative, even for a pretty conservative family (my centrist parents are radical leftists by their standards).

The Bush administration kicked off around the time I started high school, and by the time I graduated, I was determined not to ever vote for any Republican for the rest of my life (I enthusiastically voted for Kerry in my first election and was baffled that so many people I knew hadn’t bothered or, worse, actually voted for Bush out of ~patriotism). End result: I’ve been a firm and reliable Democratic voter for sixteen years, while my aunt gets more far-right every year (…and day, it feels like).

And it’s like … she long ago ceased to be “cool” given that she’s become a raging bigot (by nearly all accounts more than she ever was before, so not just something I missed because I was a kid). She dismisses the racism my father experiences when she's not personally perpetuating it, she’s ~so much for the tolerant left~ about her homophobia (and I’m lesbian), she’s awful and goes off on these asinine screeds to my mother every. single. day. Like, she earnestly argued the other day that Kate Brown is an agent of Satan.

Meanwhile, back when the new She-Ra was about to come out, she heard about it and excitedly forwarded me the link. Whatever else our differences, it’s our thing!

( Read more... )

Tumblr crosspost (22 February 2021)

xn3city responded to this post:

Sympathy. That’s the worst.

[ETA 5/14/2024: It's no longer as painful as it was at the time, thankfully, but is certainly unpleasant, so although I can't remember if I replied, I did & do appreciate it!]

Tumblr crosspost (22 February 2021)

I reblogged this gifset of Korra's and Kuvira's victory dances, and added:

#i just needed this on my dash again!!!

Tumblr crosspost (23 February 2021)

Mental health complaining:

One of the things about having bipolar II + autism + generalized anxiety is that … sometimes, it feels like it shouldn’t be a big deal, and maybe is hardly even a thing (or things, rather). There are people with actual mania and/or major problems with “functioning” and/or full-on panic attacks, so making a fuss is just ignoring the people who have real problems. (It doesn’t really help that there’s a lot of rhetoric around them that says pretty much exactly that, especially with regard to autism.)

But also, sometimes the bipolar-autistic-anxious stew is so overpowering and disruptive that when people go on about how it’s all quite mild, really, not even disabilities as such, it sounds about as batshit as what’s going on in my head.

So, on the one hand: I have the milder forms of everything, am not truly disabled, am probably taking attention from people with Real Problems, and should be much more able to cope and do normal person things.

On the other hand: I have a stack of mutually reinforcing disorders, large dosages, a history of mental breakdowns + there are a lot of Normal People Things I simply can’t do or can only do to a very limited extent. I am a literally crazy person.

End result: I feel even crazier than I was already!

Tagged: #my psychiatrist pointed out that it's already taking more than the usual max dosages to keep me stable #(in an unrelated conversation) #and yet part of me is thinking... do i have real problems??? #obviously i don't /really/ think that but it is a daily tug-of-war in my head #between 'wtf? i'm bipolar AND autistic AND severely anxious of course i have real problems' #and '...but other people have it worse so i should really be more competent than i am...' #meh #anyway i cherish a special resentment against people who act like hypomania is just funtimes and sparkles #+ ones who say this kind of autism is just being awkward and intense about hobbies #ughhhhh

Tumblr crosspost (23 February 2021)

tree responded to this post:

i have a different mix of disorders but the exact same thoughts/feelings. and it fucking sucks. <3

I replied:

It does! I appreciate the solidarity, though :)

Tumblr crosspost (23 February 2021)

Truly trivial complaints:

My birthday is coming up (the ides of March!!) and it’s a Significant Age, so people are like … you need to make a list so we have some idea of what to give you for the Significant Birthday!

Which is fair, but these days, the things I want are like … “my longtime best friend to live in the PNW again” and “my prelims to be over” and “a book cover for my perpetually unfinished novel” and “Amazon to do well by Númenor” and “a sudden desire to eat vegetables.”

I mean, there are plenty of things that occur to me in passing, but when it comes down to making a list, they all flee my mind and … ???

Tagged: #i know there are things other than money that i want #i just can't think of most of them #and the ones i can think of are prohibitively expensive so i wouldn't actually ask #hmm #hmmmmm #gw2 costumes? i'm not playing at the moment but i love them and am feeling like going back #but it seems a kind of trivial thing #i've thought one of those genetic tests would be fun but a) they're expensive and b) i know exactly where my ancestors are from #seriously though if i could pick any actually-possible thing it /would/ be money for art commissions #not just the novel ... like althea and logan or fíriel and éowyn or lucy and vader or the aasimar au or my d&d warlock ororor #this is what comes of having art ideas but no ability lol #but i can't really ask the people in my life for that #uhhhh #i don't want to read anything rn so the old reliable of books/bookstore gift cards is kind of out #cooler dice? i don't know!!

Tumblr crosspost (24 February 2021)

I was reading an article on one of the medications I take for bipolar II, in relation to its use in managing both bipolar I and II. And it was really interesting in a lot of ways, but one of the things it talked about is how scholars have often focused on mania, but the research is pretty clear that bipolar depression is much more dominant with both bipolar I and bipolar II and frequently more disruptive.

And, honestly, that is definitely my experience? It’s not to say that hypomania hasn’t been super disruptive (it starts out great! so much energy! but then my thoughts just skitter around and I can’t focus on anything, and I start getting really aggressive). But one of the most alarming things about it is that, once I realize what’s going on, I know the “high” is going to crash into depression at some point, and that lasts much longer and is more ruinous. And that mix of the high and the looming dread of depression is … weird.

I mean, my experience is that people definitely take mania (even hypomania) more seriously, so it was interesting and kind of validating to read that, yup, bipolar depression is Really That Bad for most bipolar people.

(I think, also, that the prioritization of mania/hypomania and kind of dismissive attitude towards bipolar depression is bad for people with unipolar/major depression as well. IMO the root is “depression isn’t that big of a deal, but mania is freaky,” and if your operating assumption is that depression is nbd, that can easily extend to major depression. And as someone who was misdiagnosed w/ major depression for a long time, I did run into that often enough.)

Tagged: #my deeper-yet suspicion is that there's a prioritization of what is most disruptive for /other/ people in a lot of research #much more than the actual patients #this article also got into how the assumption has often been that bipolar people's lives are mostly split between mania/depression/normal #but it increasingly seems that the bulk of our lives are depressive (mainly) and manic (sometimes) #w/ comparatively brief non-cycling periods #which strongly affects quality of life /for bipolar people/ #so

Tumblr crosspost (24 February 2021)

beatrice_otter responded to this post:

In general, from what I know of the fields of psychology and psychiatry, that is ABSOLUTELY the case with pretty much every disorder. The thing that spurs research is not "how much does this disrupt your life/how hard is it to live with" but rather "how much does this annoy/freak out the people around you."

This is one of the reason we need more people with disabilities in the medical field, both in research and treatment.

heckofabecca said:

Fascinating, ty for sharing

not-that-manic-pixie-dream-girl said [on Feb 25th]:

True, i’ve been in two sides and for me depression is 100 times worst than mania/hypomania

When i’m depressed my life literally stops for months. I can’t study,i can’t work, i can’t have sex with my girlfriend, i don’t eat,i don’t exercise,i don’t clean the house , I DON’T DO ANYTHING vs mania/hypomania i can still carry my life,of course there’s bad consequences

[ETA 5/14/2024: I don't know if I responded to any of these people at the time, but I thought the responses were intriguing/pleasant enough to preserve.]